The Craziest Part Of ‘9-1-1’ Might Be The One Thing That Hasn’t Happened Yet


Last week, in my continued attempts to remain vigilantly on-brand at all times, I was having a conversation about 9-1-1 with Uproxx’s traffic wizard, Alex Diedrick. I love talking about 9-1-1. It’s completely insane. Our conversation started out normal enough (or at least as normal as a conversation can be when it’s about a show that just killed off of man by having a faulty escalator crush him during a marriage proposal), but then Alex said something that truly flabbergasted me. It seemed impossible. I immediately went and scanned through every episode of the show to see if it was true. Folks, it was. I’ve been giggling about it ever since.

And I am going to tell you what he told me. But first, both because I really want to drive this home and because I just really want to do it, I’m going to run through every emergency the team of firefighters has responded to in the show’s first season and a half. Buckle in:

Season 1, Episode 1 – An infant gets stuck in a toilet pipe and has to be cut out of a wall; a snake enthusiast gets attacked by one of her snakes and a fireman decapitates it with an ax; small child must be saved from a burglar and the burglar is blasted off of his getaway motorcycle with a fire hose

Season 1, Episode 2 – A heavyset man flies off of a rollercoaster; a window washer is saved; a suicidal man on a ledge is saved

Season 1, Episode 3 – An occupied bounce house flies off into the sky because a dad was showing off; one of the firefighters gets a piece of rebar jammed through his brain and survives with nothing but a tiny scar; a group of trafficked people is saved from a boiling hot trailer


Season 1, Episode 4 – Plane crash

Season 1, Episode 5 – A dance floor collapses during a wedding; downed wires land in a swimming pool and a little girl is saved and everyone cheers while the barbecued corpse of her manny floats around the pool; a doofus gets stuck in the sponges at a car wash

Season 1, Episode 6 – A guy fakes a heart attack while flying a plane before proposing to his girlfriend but it gives her a horrible panic attack; a psychotic woman kills her boyfriend and wants to replace his evil heart with the “good heart” of a cop she took hostage; Connie Britton performs an emergency Valentine’s tracheotomy on her 25-year-old boy toy using a steak knife; some guy falls off a balcony while fleeing the home of a woman whose husband came home


Season 1, Episode 7 – A creepy guy stalks his ex and gets violent; Angela Bassett shoots a guy who is high on bath salts and is eating another guy’s face; two firefighters deliver multiple babies at a pregnant yoga class; the same two firefighters later remove a 15-foot tapeworm from a man’s rectum that he got from eating sushi