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Breaking Badass Power Rankings: 'Say My Name'

Breaking Bad is the greatest TV drama of all-time (THIS IS A FACT), so UPROXX is going all-out on our coverage of the show this season. Cajun Boy will be writing an episode recap (with GIFs!) every week, while I’ll be handling the Breaking Badass Power Rankings, which will, well, rank the most badass characters from every episode. Why “Badass?” Obviously, the so-not-clever-that-it’s-clever name, but also because Breaking Bad is the kind of a show that makes you want to drink an entire bottle of bourbon and/or Franch before watching it, to soothe your soon-to-be-tense nerves. That’s pretty badass.

Episode: “Say My Name” (BB fans have taken over the comments section for the Destiny’s Child music video of the same name, as they should)

Not Ranked: Bank Secretary, Dan Wachsberger, Kaylee Ehrmantraut, and SAC Ramey.

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The best Skyler is drunk, bitter Skyler (was anyone else hoping Walt would say, “I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave” when she got up from the dinner table?), but she’s last in this week’s Power Rankings because of her “I wish” retort to Jesse saying “vamonos.” A bit too on the nose, even for Breaking Bad. In an interview with Salon, when asked if she could see Skyler killing Walt, Anna Gunn said, “I think there’s a feeling of, after having gone as far into it as she has and as deeply as she has, well, I’ll do whatever I have to do. I’ll do whatever it takes. And I think that perhaps that includes…that.” Wouldn’t that be the ultimate FU to Skyler haters everywhere, if the Queen were to take down the King? Then Breaking Bad would reevaluated as a powerful feminist critique against the all-powerful male, and…actually, I don’t want Skyler to kill Walt anymore.

Heyyy, f*cker.

I’m pretty sure Mickey Dolenz was on meth when he recorded this song with the Monkees, which played during the meth-cooking scene:

It’s about a guy who commits suicide by jumping into a river, and then immediately regrets his decision. “Pleasant Valley Sunday,” it ain’t. Here’s one verse: “I wish I looked before I leaped/I didn’t know it was so deep/Been down so far I don’t get wet/Haven’t touched the bottom yet.” Me thinks things aren’t going to end well for Todd (or his prison connections?), who wins this week’s Poor Jesse Award for being treated like sh*t by Walter, despite being a decent “replacement Jesse.” New Coke, he ain’t — until he inevitably messes things up because, after all, there’s only one real Coke. Then he’ll be, like, Diet Mountain Dew with a hint of Pepsi Blue.

Mike really should have called Saul.

I mean, sure, I could talk about Dan Wachsberger and that lovely secretary and her boat-obsessed husband, but THAT CAKE POP PIG IS WEARING A COWBOY HAT. I bet he did it. What is “it”? Psh, like you don’t know.

Well, I’ve talked about cake and soda in the last two entries, so it’s time to get to business. Despite Walt’s best attempts at being a total manipulative monster to him (haters gonna hate on go-karts), Jesse refused to crawl back on his knees to Heisenberg Enterprises, even if it meant he wouldn’t receive his $5 million cut of the profit. This episode obviously isn’t the last time we’ll see Jesse, or even Jesse and Walt working together, probably, but there’s a lot up in the air with Mr. Pinkman now, maybe more so than any other character. What’s he going to do for money? How is he going to react when he hears about what happened to Mike? Will he join Badger and Skinny Pete’s band? Will he and Skyler cut the sexual tension and just F*CK? Then have some frozen lasagna. Or will they team up against Walt? To quote Mr. White, who’s said the same thing since season one, how will Jesse “apply himself”? Getting the hell away from Walt would be a good start.

The lesson learned from the Hank scenes in “Say My Name”: never listen to your immediate superior. Oh, and always order your coffee with cream, so you have enough time to debug a DEA officer’s computer. Also, the cut from Walt trying to talk about Todd with Skyler to Walt fake sobbing in front of Hank was fantastic.

The biggest complaint I’ve seen on Twitter and in other recaps about “Say My Name” is: why does Walt retrieve Mike’s bag, when there are plenty of others, like Jesse, who could have done it instead?

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