TV

Christopher Lines For When You Don’t Want To Wait Your Turn

He may have been impatient, hot-headed, and quick-to-anger, but Christopher Moltisanti (Michael Imperioli) had a special place in the heart of crime boss Tony Soprano (James Gandolfini). While The Sopranos (available to stream anytime on HBO Now) was Tony’s story, we see Christopher grow from two-bit hoodlum to one of the pillars of the Soprano crime family. Though he may have matured some over the show’s six seasons, there were some things Christopher was never able to outgrow, namely his impatience, coupled with a quick temper. The next time you have trouble waiting your turn, remember these Christopher quotes to help pass the time while you wait.

“Wet shoes!”

When Tony saw an old rival in upstate Maine, Christopher was the guy he asked to do all the legwork for him back in New Jersey. While Christopher was eager to prove himself, reminding his boss that he was his soldier, he was forced to stay back home and take calls from pay phone to pay phone, all while caught in a heavy rain. When Tony asked what he had for him, Christopher’s simple response — “Wet shoes!” — epitomized everything he found frustrating about his place in the food chain. The next time you’re feeling the same way, and you also need to be careful about what you say, you might re-claim a little bit of self-respect by venting in such a way.

“Like everybody starts out somewheres. and they do something, something gets done to them and it changes their life. That’s called an arc. Where’s my arc?”

Despite the initiative that Christopher felt like he was showing early on he remained a lowly soldier in the Soprano crime family. Plagued by nightmares, he slipped into a deep depression, contrasting his life to the ones led by the characters in the gangster movies he loved so much. As Christopher struggles to define his existence within a three-act structure, he ends asking a question that a lot of people can relate to if they feel stuck in their jobs or their life: “where’s my arc?”

“That guy’s a gangster? I’m a gangster! I’m an O.G. Original Gangster — not him.”

After a night partying at a mansion with rap mogul Massive Genius (Bokeem Woodbine), Christopher starts to question his menial existence as a gangster and can’t help but compare himself to others. Granted, it’s not super advisable to live your life in constant competition with others (you’ll never feel settled, there’s always someone coming up the rear), but if you get passed over for a promotion, saying this line might convey your frustration and your high opinion of yourself.

“Enough! I’m so sick and tired o’ hearin’ you people talk about food, food, food! That’s all anybody ever talks about is prosciutto, cheese, and f*ckin’ fava beans. I’m drownin’ here!”

The lure of Hollywood had always appealed to Christopher, and when he spent an afternoon hanging out with Jon Favreau (who played himself), he felt like his dream of becoming a screenwriter was finally within his grasp. As a result, the idea of going back to life as a two-bit gangster proved too much for him to bare, which resulted in an outburst at a dinner with Tony, Carmela (Edie Falco) and his fiance Adriana (Drea De Matteo). If you just can’t deal with people prattling on about things that don’t interest you when you’re mind is spinning, feel free to be honest, metaphorically toss your wine into your pasta, and tell your friends that you’re, “drownin here!”

“We shoulda stopped at Roy Rogers.”

Even when he was right, Christopher had a knack for sounding absolutely insufferable. It became more obvious than ever when he and Paulie (Tony Sirico) were lost in the Pine Barrens of North Jersey — a situation that led to Pauley treating him somewhat condescendingly. “We should have stopped at Roy Rogers!” is a perfect I told you so for when a friend big times you and tells you that you can get food after the show not realizing that you’re about to run into a traffic jam in the parking lot. Maybe next time, you’ll get to be the boss.

“Let’s just say Carmela won’t be first lady forever.”

Within a couple years of Christopher being made, Tony began his never-fully-realized plan to communicate solely through his nephew. In this moment, Christopher came home, elated by the promotion, and explained to Adriana what he imagined for their future. It’s a bit ominous sounding for practical use, if we’re being honest. But it’s always good to make plans, even if you’re on the slow elevator up.

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