Late last week, after ABC’s Lucky 7 became the first cancellation of the fall season, speculation RAN WILD. Who would be number two? The world was on pins and needles, and the race was ON. Would it be ABC’s Sunday night entry, Betrayal, which premiered with lower ratings than the show in the same time slot last fall, 666 Park Avenue, which was cancelled early in the season. Would it be NBC’s Ironside, which had the lowest ratings for a new fall drama in NBC’s history? Or would it be Welcome to the Family, which premiered with a 1.2 in the demo on NBC’s once dominating Thursday night? Or maybe Dads, the critically reviled Seth MacFarlane show over on Fox, which has struggled woefully in the ratings since is debut. Or could it even be Trophy Wife, which has struggled to hold on to the ratings of its lead-ins, Agents of SHIELD and The Goldbergs?
Nope, nope, nope, nope and nope.
The winner is CBS’s We Are Men. DING DING DING. What do they win, Bob? For Jerry O’Connell, Tony Shalhoub, and Kal Penn, they re-enter the pilot pool, where they will no doubt float to the surface in another soon-to-be cancelled series. As for the lead, Christopher Nicholas Smith? He wins a one-way trip to lifelong obscurity, where he will join the likes of Christopher Babers, John Ales, Kevin Crowley, Justin Louis, and Heather Dubrow. Never heard of those people? EXACTLY. They were all stars of short-lived sitcoms that never really resurfaced. Congratulations, We Are Men! You weren’t even around long enough to merit a pub trivia question five years from now! You will be completely forgotten by November!
But hey! There’s more! What does this mean for CBS? Well, Bob, I’m glad you asked, because their once-powerful Monday night sitcom line-up is struggling against The Voice, and they’re going to shake things up! How? Well, Bob, they’re going to move 2 Broke Girls from 9:00 to 8:30, where it will get a lift from How I Met Your Mother, which is the only Monday night sitcom that hasn’t seen a drop in the ratings. Meanwhile, come November, Melissa McCarthy’s Mike and Molly will return. Remember that show? The one about fat people making HILARIOUS fat jokes? Get excited! Anna Faris’ Mom, meanwhile, gets to hang around at 9:30, at least for the time being. What does that mean for the viewers at home, Bob? It means, two hours of laugh tracks and broad comedy! Hot damn.