First and foremost allow me to OFFICIALLY APOLOGIZE because I haven’t recapped Frankin & Bash aka Tango & Bash aka Dr. Frank Bash, Esquire and Ladies Man Extraordinaire in a while because this one time I was hecka hungover after the pimps and hoes party and the other time it was July 4th and I was invited to a party at my boy J-Realness’s summer house. It was SICK AND/OR EPIC. J’s parents Mr. and Mrs. Leibowitz are getting divorced so his dad invited us all out for a rager and he totes hooked up with Lindsey Sanders which is crazy because J hooked up with her last semester so now it is A FAMILY AFFAIR. LOLOLOLOL jokes.
Anyway a lot has happened on Franklin & Bash since we talked last so here is an update: ROBOCOP AKA BROBOCOP WAS ON THE SHOW and also BASH BONED SEXY DA in her office or his office or somewhere. Awww yeah son SEX IS THE GREATEST. So that about gets you caught up on everything from the last two episodes and now we can move along to the one from last night which features important legal issues like JURY SELECTION and HOT JURORS and PLANNING YOUR TRIAL STRATEGY WHILE BARTENDING AT YOUR PARTY.
CASE #1 – The Guy Who Wailed On Some Other Guys
The eppy (this is what I call episodes now) starts out and Franklin and Bash are out eating chicken and waffles and they’re like “What one food would you bring to a desert island? I’d bring chicken and waffles,” “I’d bring YOUR MOM” which is major LOLs but it turns out that they missed the partners’ meeting and got assigned some client who wailed on three dudes Strikeforce-style so now they have a tough case. Also they get assigned a law school student to shadow them and at first some chick walks out and she’s like BA-DOW but it turns out she’s Sexy Lawyer Who Was On The Jamie Foxx Show’s shadow and then they find out who their real shadow is and UGH it is a HIDEOUS NERD which you can tell because she has GLASSES and her HAIR TIED BACK. Disgusting, bros.
So the bros have this client and they’re like “We have to pick a jury that will help you win even though you straight wailed on those dudes” and everyone’s like “Cool we’ll help because all these big corporate cases we’re handling are stupid anyway” so they do that and also oh yeah the guy beat the other guys up in self-defense but not really because it was actually about some girl so that’s important and confusing. Basically he likes some chick that works at a store so he goes to buy things from her and the goons want to hurt her so he beat them with a wrench which is a VERY CHIVALROUS THING TO DO.
Then Franklin and Bash start selecting the jury and they’re all “GET THIS LOSER OUTTA HERE” and “GET THAT LOSER OUTTA HERE” and things are looking great but it turns out it was a trap by by New DA Guy and also New DA Guy is the one who got Bash fired from his old firm by ratting him out for boning the boss’s daughter so he is a TOTAL DICK FOR REAL and he wanted them to pick a jury based on self-defense but it turns out it wasn’t self-defense as I mentioned above so now the bros are TOTES HOSED and so they hold a meeting to come up with a new strategy. OH AND YOU KNOW they had the meeting in the middle of a party with sluts in the hot tub, son. CLASSIC FRANKLIN AND BASH.
Anyway their plan was to be all sneaky and trick the New Dick DA Guy into picking the people they wanted on the jury through shenanigans like having Bash flirt with the hot lady jurors and also pretty blatant elevator-related jury tampering but it’s cool because they were all like “What? Who? Us?” and the DA was all “Your Honor, come on,” but the judge was like “I am the guy who pissed on the couch in that one episode of Seinfeld and I’ll allow it.” The eppy ended right as the trial started because TNT knows drama but the New Dick DA Guy had totally fallen into the bros’ trap so I think it is safe to say that the bro who beat up a bunch of guys with a wrench to protect a girl who doesn’t know his name will go free which we can all agree is the happiest ending possible.
CASE #2 – …
OK so there was no second case this week because there was only that one so I am going to instead take this opportunity to post a picture of the SUPER-NERDY and GROSS girl who shadowed them so you see what I mean about her being a total uggo who I wouldn’t bone even if I slammed 20 beers at $0.50 draft night at Slappy’s (UGH JUST CAST MORE HOT CHICKS AND NOT THESE TROLLS, YOU KNOW?) and also to tell you more about J-Realness’s July 4th party because it was OFF THE HOOK AND/OR CHAIN.
So we got to the beach house around noon and J’s dad Jerry was already wasted because I’m telling you guys that dude knows how to party. He told us to help ourselves to his liquor cabinet and was all “I’ll tell you what, you guys are living the life. Once you get older things start falling apart” and we were like “YEAH BRO WE KNOW. NO ONE PARTIES HARDER THAN US!” and we all did some shots and then he was like “I’m so lonely” so we were all “LET’S CALL SOME SLUTS.” We invited Jessica Lewis because she’s the social chair of DZ and those chicks love to party so they all showed up and we taught his dad how to play flip cup and it got crazy. Like, really crazy, bros. J’s dad was up on the dinner table screaming “WHO ISN’T SPONTANEOUS ENOUGH NOW, ELLEN?” and then Lindsey Sanders was like “I dunno, he’s kinda cute for an old guy” and I was all “Wait I have an idea” so I paired them as a team in beer pong and next thing I knew they were hooking up on the couch. J-Realness was furious but I was like “Relax bro let a playa play” and then he stormed off and I yelled “HAHAHA WHAT IF LINDSEY BECOMES YOUR NEW MOM” which is pretty much the most LOLs thing anyonee has ever said.
It was epic, bros.
OTHER SH-T AND STUFF
– There really wasn’t much else that happened except I guess that Middle Eastern Bro is officially healed now because he goes everywhere and isnt a total spaz about it so I guess what I’m saying is that PSYCHOLOGY WORKS OR SOMETHING.
– Still no sign of Hot Cop, bros. Also, no sign of Sexy DA either. I guess that makes sense because this was a very serious episode about jury selection so there was no time for Bash to bone the sexy police officer he called as a witness in the first eppy or the DA he goes up against in court like all the time. Sometimes it’s important to be a very serious professional, you know?
– Remember when I said the judge was the guy who pissed on the couch in that episode of Seinfeld? HAHAHA it totally was. I BET HE PISSED ON THE BENCH TOO LOLOLOLOLOL.