The Game of Thrones season 8 premiere has finally come and gone and who knew the topic of conversation everyone would be fixated on afterward is elephants. Specifically the lack of elephants brought over from Essos by the Golden Company, Cersei’s new army of sellswords. Delusional or not, the queen seemed pretty confident coming into this final season … right up until being told the cool new war machines she ordered never got shipped.
And I get it: you choose a specific contractor because of the wow factor, and in the Golden Company’s case that wow factor is elephants. Did you see them in 300? Wow. Lord of the Rings? Wow! Even if you lose, you’re going to look badass dying. At this point Game of Thrones has massacred so many armies that you really need something to stand out these days. Undead soldiers, Unsullied, Dothraki screamers, something! Now all Cersei has is a couple of oversized crossbows and zero frickin’ elephants.
But you know that feeling when everything is going wrong and that’s okay I guess, but then some generally insignificant detail comes along and causes you to have a near meltdown? Yeah, it’s probably not about that detail, just like it’s not about the elephants. Cersei is alone and isolated in the south with no family left – just a growing squad of creepy dead-eyed bodyguards and the thirstiest pirate in the Seven Kingdoms. I’d be fixated on the elephants too if it helped me ignore the dumpster fire that my life has become. And on that note, the memes: