Every television show would be better with Jason Statham in it. Every one. It’s one of the things that is so upsetting about television these days. Everyone — me, someone else, probably — agrees that every show would be better with Jason Statham in it but no one does anything about it. It’s madness, bordering on negligence. And don’t say anything about his movie schedule, either. Movie stars find time for television all the time now. I’m not even asking for a whole Jason Statham series here, one where he stars and has to do all the heavy lifting over multiple seasons. I’ll settle for single season projects, or even guest spots, anything from a recurring multi-season arc to a single episode appearance. It should be easy.
How easy? Well, allow me to give you a few examples.
Game of Thrones
The seventh season of Game of Thrones was kind of a letdown. There was action, sure, and more than one scene that featured a dragon causing mass destruction from the skies using fire breath. But all the stuff between those scenes — the plot, the people saying things, the people doing things — left something to be desired. One way to fix that problem? Add Jason Statham to the cast.
It should be so obvious. He already has the accent. He’s good at fighting. He has experience joining huge franchises deep into their runs. And he’s Jason Statham. He should have been on the show already. He should have been there from the start. Would the show have been somewhat different if HBO had cast Jason Statham as, say, Jon Snow? Well, yes. For one, Jason Statham is only eight years younger than Sean Bean, so the whole “He’s my bastard son” thing might have been a little dicey. Also, he’s a balding 50-year-old man. Still, I’ll tell you one thing: Ain’t no dragon getting captured in an attempted wight kidnapping led by Jason Statham. You’ve seen The Italian Job. It would be like that, but now Ed Norton is the Night King. Mini Coopers every color of the rainbow screaming around a frozen lake and such, evading White Walkers and ice javelins. 100% success rate.
Halt and Catch Fire
Halt and Catch Fire is a very good show that more people should watch. It’s the best workplace drama since Mad Men and the relationships between the four main characters shift and adapt in really fascinating ways. It would also greatly benefit from adding Jason Statham to the cast. Let’s say, oh, I don’t know, let’s say he’s a British billionaire looking to invest in this new internet thing the show is focusing on in season four, now that it’s up into the 1990s. I’m thinking either like a Steve Jobs look, with a black turtleneck and glasses, or something very 1990s, like a Hornets Starter jacket and a pair of rollerblades. Probably the first, but please do enjoy the visual of the second.
Statham just sitting there at the conference table, listening to Joe and Gordon go on and on, until Joe says something dismissive or shady and then THWAP Statham smashes his head on the table. Just once, like as a warning. Then he tells them to continue like nothing happened. Maybe this is just a one-episode guest spot. We’ll see how it plays.