‘Liz & Dick’ Trailer: “They Drink. They Fight. They Fornicate.”

I wrote a little bit yesterday about how much I am weirdly looking forward to the new Lifetime Original Movie Liz & Dick, starring Lindsay Lohan as Elizabeth Taylor, mainly in the hopes that it will be a total poopstorm. (It would honestly be fine with me if the script was literally just a rejected Syfy movie that someone went through and replaced the monster with Elizabeth Taylor. “ELIZABETH TAYLOR IS ON THE LOOSE. EVERYBODY SCATTER.”) Well, Lifetime released the first teaser trailer yesterday, and it has done absolutely nothing to put a damper on my excitement.

My favorite part of the trailer — by a long shot — comes at the midway point, when a man with a British accent announces “They drink. They fight. They fornicate.” It’s not exactly “I’m untouchable, bitch,” but it’s still an utter delight of a statement. It makes Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton sound like cast members of Jersey Shore. It also describes Lindsay Lohan’s relationship with every person, male or female, that she has come in contact with since Mean Girls. Yup, I’m in.

My least favorite part of the trailer — also by a long shot — was when they started playing a song near the end and my ears perked up and I was all “Oo, I recognize that song,” only to realize that it was the song from that goddamn Internet Explorer commercial. “AND IT FEELS LIKE I AM JUST TOO CLOSE TO LOVE YOU. WOMP BZZZ BZZZ WOMP WOMP. THERE IS NOTHING I CAN REALLY SAAA-AAA-AAAYYY.” Guh. I have apparently heard that song so many times that my brain has tricked itself into thinking I like it, like some sort of musical Stockholm Syndrome. (See also, “LET’S HAVE A REAL GOOD TIME. LET’S HAVE A REAL GOOD TIME.“) I am officially a broken man. Send help.

via E! Online