New Girl-isms: Your Guide To The Vocabulary Of ‘New Girl’

09.16.14 5 years ago 18 Comments
Like many people, I was resistant to New Girl throughout its first season thanks to Zooey Deschanel and nearly every write-up about the show having some combination of “quirky” and “adorkable.” No thanks. The show’s strong ensemble cast proved me wrong however, and I was converted to the legion of New Girl fans when the show began streaming on Netflix .

New Girl returns for its fourth season tonight, which of course means there will be all that Jess/Nick and Cece/Schmidt drama to rehash, but more importantly, it means we’ll be getting a new dose of New Girl-isms to use in our everyday vocabulary. (I’ve made it a personal goal of mine to use “white fanging” at least once a week.) To celebrate the return of “Schmidt happening” here’s your New Girl vocabulary guide. I probably missed a few from the third season, so feel free to add your favorites in the comments.

Babybels

A way of referring to a woman’s breasts when you’ve got something of an Oedipal complex. Not recommended for using on a woman who you are not involved romantically with, and even then it’s likely to backfire.

Baby Box

Similar to “babybels,” but this time it’s referring to the actual place on a woman’s body where baby’s come from. Jess uses the term in frustration as it can cause much grief — or joy — for a man or woman.

Beans

Maybe you thought you knew what beans were, but New Girl is giving the word a new definition: testicles. The slang first comes up in the pilot episode when Coach worries that he won’t be able to let his “beans” hang out if Jess moves in. Winston later makes good use of his “beans” by using them to add flavoring to his terrible boss’ milkshakes.

Bishop in a Turtleneck

Surprisingly, this slang has nothing to do with Catholicism. It’s just a fun new way to refer to one’s uncircumcised penis.

Boob Fight

“Boob Fight” sounds like some sort of sideshow at Senor Frogs during spring break, but is actually the equivalent of guys hitting each other in the nuts. There are no winners in a boob fight, only losers and sore boobs.

Boob Jail

Employment is a jail sentence for boobs, forcing them to do hard time for 8-12 hours a day in the prison that is wearing a bra. Unemployment gives boobs the freedom to do as they please.

Bronemies

Is he your bro or your enemy? The “bronemy” can be both. While he’s fun to hang out with, he’s not to be trusted and will eventually stab you in the back. Just like Schmidt, Julius Caesar had many bronemies.

Butt Drinking

“Butt Drinking” is an alternative to drinking through one’s mouth that is practiced by certain fraternities and Jess’ model friend Cece. Jess never explains to Nick exactly how Cece’s butt drinking works, but somethings are better left a mystery.

Driving Moccasins

There are regular walking moccasins and then there are the more refined and classy “driving moccasins.” Not everyone can pull them off, but they do pair well with a nice Irish walking cane.

Junk Mail

Not those Pottery Barn catalogs that you can seem to shake, but a more subtle way of referring to a dick pic. (Much like traditional junk mail though, the receiver is often not appreciative.)

Maple Tree

This isn’t referring to any sort of tree or syrup gathering process at all, but instead is Jess’ unbelievably bad way of letting everyone know that she plans on having sex.

Menzies

The male equivalent of the menstrual cycle. Still considered largely a myth, Winston fell into Jess’ cycle and soon found himself unable to leave the couch and prone to fits of crying, hunger, and repeated viewings of Dirty Dancing.

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