Friday’s “Oprah” was her annual “Favorite Things” episode in which she gives away thousands of dollars worth of gifts to everyone in her audience, sending them into a writhing, frothing delirium. Well, because it’s Oprah’s final season (and also because she feeds on the joyous squeals of her audience), she followed that up with a SECOND “Favorite Things” episode on Monday. “Cue the ANGEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLSSSS!! You’re getting an IIIIIIIIPAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!!!! And a new CAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! Worship me for I am your NEW GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!”
I dunno, man. I recognize that my penis and sexual attraction to women put me outside Oprah’s key demographic, but this stuff creeps me out. It’s so cartoonish that Oprah’s basically The Man Your Man Could Smell Like from the Old Spice commercial. “Look again: it’s Josh Groban and Johnny Mathis singing Christmas carols.” Ugh, I wish I was making that up.