There are a lot of television shows these days. Too many, some would say and have said. So many that there’s no way any one person could keep up with them all. So many that even I, a person paid to try, did not end up watching a number of shows that were nominated for Emmys this year. So many that, if you so desired, you could probably make up a totally wild fake television show right now and convince people it’s real.
And do you know what? We should do that, for two reasons. One, because being a rascal is fun, especially if you do it in a harmless way. Like if you do it to prank your annoying cousin or if you sneak into a fancy cocktail party under an alias while investigating a crime and need to kill time until you can get your primary suspect alone for a second. Two, because it has been about nine months since we did it and I have some truly bad ideas for television shows that I need to get off my chest. As we did the first time, the fake shows have been laid out from least to most difficult to sell to your potential mark. Good luck, folks.
Presenting the Peak TV Fake Show Challenge, Volume II.
Life Away From Sonic
Degree of difficulty: 3
What it is, allegedly: A web series that chronicles the lives of the Sonic guys in the hours of the day they don’t spend eating tater tots and such at the drive-in restaurant. What do they do for work, these characters? Why do they eat so many meals together? Do they have families or other friends or horrifying cholesterol problems? All these questions and more are answered in the show.
Bonus points if: You can convince someone that one of the Sonic guys played hardball in the negotiations and got replaced by a different actor for the web series.
Sample conversation:
THE MARK: Man, those Sonic commercials are always on.
YOU: I know. And now they have that show, too.
THE MARK: They have a show?
YOU: Oh yeah. You haven’t seen it? It’s this web series, it follows them through the rest of the day, like when they’re not at Sonic.
THE MARK: What.. what do they do?
YOU: Yeah… it’s weird. It gets really deep. Like, the taller guy, it turns out he’s the district attorney of that fictional town.
THE MARK: So why are they eating so many meals at Sonic?
YOU: Look, I’m not gonna give way the season three cliffhanger.
THE MARK: They’ve made three seasons?!
Beanball
Degree of difficulty: 5
What it is, allegedly: A network procedural about a disgraced baseball pitcher who was banished from the league after killing three-time MVP Lance Fungo with a 102 mph fastball to the head and is now, you guessed it, using his connections and rocket arm to help the FBI bring down a criminal organization they believe is led by a crew of crooked umpires.
Bonus points if: You can convince people the baseball player’s name is Nick Beanball.
Sample conversation
YOU: Okay, I gotta go. New episode of Beanball tonight.
THE MARK: Beanball?
YOU: Oh, dude, it’s my favorite show. Some pitcher killed another player with a fastball and they threw him out of the league so now he’s working with the FBI to catch drug smuggling umpires.
THE MARK: … What?
YOU: Last episode he caught a fleeing goon by hucking an apple at him. It’s nuts.
THE MARK: You’re not serious.
YOU: Says the guy who didn’t believe there was a show about a disgraced magician who works with the FBI.
THE MARK: Okay, fair.
Hoodsliders
Degree of difficulty: 6
What it is, allegedly: A series about a loose cannon cop named Mack Detroit who has cycled through so many responsible partners that his chief decides to think outside the box and pair him with an even looser cannon, the currently suspended live wire and thorn in the mayor’s ass Detective Brenda Sacramento.
Bonus points if: You can convince people it airs on a streaming network called Plorpz Premium.
Sample conversation:
YOU: You subscribe to Plorpz Premium, right?
THE MARK: To what?
YOU: Plorpz Premium, the streaming service.
THE MARK: Uh, no.
YOU: Oh, well, don’t bother. I’m canceling my subscription in a few weeks. The only show worth watching is Hoodsliders and even that’s gone downhill since Detroit and Sacramento started dating.
THE MARK: The… cities?
YOU: Oh, sorry. No. Mack Detroit and Brenda Sacramento. They had this flirty thing for a few episodes but, after she thought he died in the fireworks factory explosion she caused on the stakeout, they started looking at each other differently and now it’s a whole thing. I wish they had just stuck to the arc about the corrupt zookeeper.
THE MARK: I hate when shows do that.
YOU: I know.
Brienne of Tampa
Degree of difficulty: 8
What it is, allegedly: One of HBO’s potential Game of Thrones spinoffs, in which Brienne of Tarth stumbles into a portal in Westeros that transports her to modern-day Tampa, Florida.
Bonus points if: You can convince people she becomes the mayor of Tampa.
Sample conversation:
`YOU: You heard about this big HBO thing, right? How they want to ramp up production to compete with Netflix?
THE MARK: Yeah, I think I saw something about that.
YOU: I don’t know, man. I worry they’re gonna stretch themselves too thin. This new Brienne Game of Thrones spin-off sounds a little dicey.
THE MARK: Brienne is getting a spin-off?
YOU: Oh wow, listen to this. So you know how HBO was tossing around five potential Thrones spin-offs?
THE MARK: Right.
YOU: Well now they’re considering up to 15, to fill that content hole. And one of them is about Brienne falling through a portal and ending up in modern-day Tampa.
THE MARK: Uh, Tampa?
YOU: I know. She just pops up in full uniform on the street and gets hired to work at a Medieval Times restaurant. The pilot is up on some of those illegal streaming sites. It’s really strange.
THE MARK: This sounds terrible.
YOU: I know. They’re ruining the franchise. It’s a shame.
Sunbathers: Monte Carlo
Degree of difficulty: 9
What it is, allegedly: A spin-off of the also fake series Sunbathers — from the first Fake Show Challenge, about David Schwimmer trying to run a small beach rental business in mob-infected Daytona Beach — in which the family’s black sheep cousin takes the mob’s money and opens a whole different kind of business on the glitzy coast of Monaco.
Bonus points if: You can convince people the black sheep cousin is played by Johnny Knoxville.
Sample conversation:
YOU: Did you ever watch that show Sunbathers I was telling you about?
THE MARK: [lying to be nice] Uh, yeah. I caught a few episodes.
YOU: Good, right?
THE MARK: Yeah, I should get caught up.
YOU: Oh, you have to, especially now that there’s the spin-off in Monte Carlo.
THE MARK: Oh yeah?
YOU: Dude. You have never seen a performance like this from Johnny Knoxville. I really think he has a shot at an Emmy nomination next year.
THE MARK: You think?
YOU: For sure.
Homewreckers
Degree of difficulty: 10
What it is, allegedly: An HGTV-style home renovation show with a twist: At the beginning of the episode, a crew shows up and guts a married couple’s house. As they’re working on it, unbeknownst to the couple, the show sends out paid actors and actresses to try to woo the husband and wife separately. If either of them succumbs and strays during the filming, the renovations stop at exactly that moment and the house is left in shambles.
Bonus points if: You can convince people it is currently involved in a $250 million class-action lawsuit.
Sample conversation:
THE MARK: Anyway, yeah, I’ve just been chilling out and watching a bunch of HGTV. It’s calming.
YOU: Oh, that reminds me. Have you been keeping up with this Homewreckers mess?
THE MARK: What’s Homewreckers?
YOU: Oh man, it’s this show where a married couple gets their house renovated, but while it’s being renovated, after it’s been gutted, the producers send out models to try to lure the husband and wife into affairs, and if either falls for it the renovations stop right then and the crew leaves the house in ruins.
THE MARK: That sounds awful.
YOU: Oh, it was terrible. I mean, most couples didn’t fall for it and got beautiful homes. But the few that did ended up with ruined marriages and unlivable homes. Really brutal.
THE MARK: Is… is that even legal?
YOU: I don’t think they can pursue criminal charges because of some of the contract language but I do know a few of the couples got together to file a lawsuit.
THE MARK: Well I hope they win. I’m all for a little drama, but that’s just unethical and cruel. They took it too far.
YOU: Entirely too far.
