Roseanne Barr And Tom Arnold’s Schizophrenic Twitter Fight Reminds Us Why They’re Divorced

(via Getty Image)

Like her or not, I think most people will agree that Roseanne Barr is an INSANE woman. In the Twitterverse, her and John Cusack have an ongoing competition in my mind to see who can spout the most insane left-wing political crack-pottery, and which of them can do it in the least grammatical way (seriously, if you’re a long-time admirer of John Cusack, NEVER read his Twitter account. For similar reasons, also avoid Adam Baldwin’s). Most probably don’t even remember that Barr ran for President in 2012, and amassed 50,000 votes nationwide, or whopping .0025 percent of the television audience that tuned into her sitcom in the 90s.

Anyhoo, Roseanne Barr was married to Tom Arnold for a few years back in the early 90s, and though a certain amount of drama came out of their divorce, their relationship since the divorce has been … well, weird. Tom Arnold made a surprise appearance at Roseanne’s Comedy Central Roast a while back — apparently, the first time they’d been in the same room in 18 years — and the impression you get is that there’s definitely a love/hate relationship between the two. There’s enough distance between the two that I think they can kind of appreciate their past relationship, but not so much that the events aren’t still traumatizing.

That is the exact vibe I got from their Twitter spat yesterday: That they don’t like each other, but they kind of do, you know? They have a shared history that they can kind of appreciate.

It was a really lengthy spat, and several outlets cut the conversation off before the two sort of made amends, so you get the impression that the entire fight was really, really heated, when in fact, I think, it was just Roseanne and Tom being Roseanne and Tom. I’ve transcribed it best I can below, given all the other parties that were also involved in the back-and-forth.

Tom: Cleaned out garage and dropped boxes at Goodwill. Hope someone really needs 47 remote controls, 65 phone chargers and my old wedding videos.

Roseanne: Of me? bc if they are, I would like that footage since it has my kids in it-it’s not really your choice2 destroy like when you sold my grandmother’s sewing machine, instead of just giving it back to me-

Tom: It’s still there. They are only charging $1 for it and the proceeds go to a good cause.

Roseanne: what the fuck is wrong with U?

Tom: What is wrong with you? So damn serious all the time. For christ sakes. I remember when you used to be a comedian.

Roseanne: i’m asking you a question — try answering it honestly. It’s not THAT hard, really.

Tom: Yes mother dear

Roseanne: hey, can u answer my q?

Tom: Here’s the better question: What did YOU do with your copy of our old wedding videos?

Roseanne: you took it

Tom: Let’s put this petty bickering to rest and agree that The Jackie Thomas Show was awesome.

Roseanne: can u just answer my q b4 it all becomes about you?

Tom: All about me??? I’ve got old wedding videos from several women. Why you think it’s all about YOU? Good lord I feel sorry for Monsanto with you on their asses

Tom: I’ve been thinking and your uterus might’ve been an actual tracking device all along. How did you find me???

Roseanne: some 1 sent ur tweet here

Tom: bless them. Don’t you live in a bunker in the Middle East? Try not to be so grumpy girlfriend. Remember when U said your uterus was a tracking device only your real uterus was not actually a tracking device. Was a joke.

Roseanne: So then your answer is: no, they are not of me or my kids? That’s all u really have to say —

Tom: Don’t you agree that it’s pretty fucked up that I even have to say that???

[Roseanne at this point tweets that it’s “fun” to block all the people who are spamming her during this spat]

Tom: Fun? Is it really? You must get out more sweetie.

Roseanne: I’m sick in bed.

Tom: I’m sorry. Hope you feel better. Just glad I could brighten up your day a bit :)

Roseanne: ppl think this is a fight! lol- anyway-i’m taking it that it wasn’t me in the video-thanks for the response! have a good one-ur kid is very cute.

Tom: Thank you. I will seriously look to see if there’s anything with you or your kids out there. Don’t think so but will look.

Roseanne: i do appreciate that-what is the baby named? how old?

Tom: Jax Copeland Arnold. 15 weeks of amazing. Hopefully he will sleep one day. I love that kid. I will be 72 when Jax is 18 so I’m putting in my time right now.

Roseanne: that’s a cute name — what a little doll — thank you:) forgot to ask — what sign is he?

Tom: April 6 so what is that?

Roseanne: aries in hebrew calender — ur pisces, what is ur wife sign?

Tom: November 29….1996..kidding. It’s November 29

Roseanne: sag. u guys will have your work cut out 4 u as jax’s sign is powerful as hell.

Yeah, so there’s was clearly a f***ed up relationship, but you can kind of see why it worked for a while and why it could never continue to work, not without someone killing each other.