After recently having David Letterman as a guest on Late Night, host Seth Meyers wanted to set the record straight about a conversation the two had about the importance of having an “animal guy.” According to Meyers, Letterman had just told a “wonderful story” about the time frequent guest and zookeeper Jack Hanna had to be taken to the emergency room after being bitten by a beaver because of “how much blood came out when the beaver bit him.” After the humorous, yet gory tale, Letterman asked Meyers if he has an “animal guy,” and Meyers said he didn’t.
However, as Meyers explains in his latest “Corrections” segment, he actually did have an animal guy, but he got rid of him after an existentially awkward encounter with a sloth, as one does:
Here’s the thing: We had an animal guy on this show. Lovely, but there was a moment on this show, the last time we had animals on this show, we had a sloth. And we were over there… and the audience loved it. I mean, being in the same room as a sloth? But at one point, I made eye contact with the sloth who very much had an expression that said, “I don’t want to be here.” And I know that expression. I see it on numerous guests. But they choose to be here. That is the difference. The sloth– you know, people come here, they’re plugging a project. I don’t think the sloth cares how many people come to the zoo. I mean, unless they’re sloth liberators.
Truly, a noble gesture by Meyers and, really, a life lesson we can all live by: Always care more about sloths than celebrities. Or at least we think that’s what he’s saying? The important thing is Seth Meyers will never have to look into a sloth’s face and see the open void of existence staring back at him. Never a good time.
