05.20.09 9 years ago 5 Comments

On last night’s “Dancing with the Stars” finale, America named Shawn Johnson the winner, even though she was clearly the third-best finalist and probably shouldn’t have been in the finals at all (Lil’ Kim was robbed last week).  But America doesn’t care that Shawn Johnson has pygmy arms and legs that are incapable of expressing anything through dance; America just likes that she’s cute as a button and was an Olympic gymnast.

Second and third place went to Gilles Marini and Melissa Rycroft, respectively.  I finally found out who Marini is: I guess he’s “famous” for being naked in the Sex and the City movie?  He was easily the best dancer, but let’s face it: we don’t want no Frog with a girl’s name taking our disco ball reality TV trophies.

As for Rycroft, the Dallas Cowboy cheerleader turned “Bachelor” loser turned last-second replacement on “DWTS”… she at least made the world a better place.  By revealing her abdomen every episode.  Holy crap that’s a hot body.  Can you have sex with a belly button?  I kinda wanna try it now.

(These pics of Marini and Cheryl Burke aren’t new, but they’re all I’ve got on short notice.  I was gonna get a bunch of screen caps, but I “overslept” all the way to 6:55 a.m.  I hate you, Pacific time zone.)

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