Sh– Just Got Real: Viacom Cuts Off Online Access To 'The Daily Show,' Other Shows

If you’re like me, and you’re a DirecTV subscriber, you probably weren’t too shaken up by Viacom’s decision to pull its programming from the cable provider yesterday over their carriage fees dispute. After all, the best shows yanked from DirecTVThe Daily Show and The Colbert Report — are available online. WELL NOT ANYMORE, FUNBOYS.

In an effort to take this dispute to the next level, Viacom has cut Internet access to streaming episodes of The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, Spongebob Squarepants, and several other shows that a lot of people who don’t even have cable have relied upon. Now even the freeloaders can’t watch. The full list of shows now unavailable includes: The Daily Show and The Colbert Report; Nick’s SpongeBob SquarePants, Victorious and iCarly; Nick Jr.’s Dora the Explorer; MTV’s Jersey Shore and Teen Mom; and TV Land’s Hot in Cleveland). (MTV’s Awkward and Comedy Central’s Futurama, fortunately, are still available).

Viacom decided to pull the episodes because DirecTV is marketing Internet video as an alternative to the full networks. If you attempt to watch any of these shows online, you get a giant message saying something along the lines of, “Those guys at DirecTV are huge d*cks. This is all their fault. They started it. Their mother is a Betamax. I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I?”

The good news is both The Daily Show and The Colbert Report are on hiatus. Surely, the old white guys can get together and settle this dispute before they return, right? Maybe not, according to THR.

DirecTV CEO Mike White said late Wednesday that his company and Viacom remain “pretty far apart” in continuing negotiations about a new carriage deal for 17 Viacom networks.

This madness must end. Let’s get Jimmy Carter and Kanye in a room with these heads of knuckle and make things happen, otherwise customers will be forced to resort to more drastic measures, like shaking our fists really hard and scowling.