The New Season Of ‘Survivor’ Will Pit Generation X Against Millennials In A Feud Of Stereotypes

When CBS announced in March that its long-running reality television series Survivor would return for a 33rd season in the fall, absolutely no one was surprised. Or at least nobody should have been, because host Jeff Probst’s cash cow will live on forever and always, long after the rest of the viewing population dies during the post-apocalyptic nuclear winter finally dissipates. (Survivor will squeeze at least 10 seasons out of the fallout.) This is especially true for show’s themed runs, the latest of witch pits equally whiny members of Generation X and the current plague of Millennials against one another.

According to Team Gen X’s Chris, “It’s hard work. It’s not how fast I can type it on Google and find the answer. The Millennials, they don’t have a clue what their life is going to be like or what they’re doing. They don’t have a plan. They certainly haven’t been battle-tested. If you haven’t ever been knocked down, then you don’t know how to get up and fight.”

Never fear, Team Millennials, because Taylor is here to defend your honor with quips about “older generations.” Like his argument that “they’ve been brainwashed with this, ‘You have to have a career. You have to do A, B, C, D.’ I’m a free man. I don’t like to be caged. You can do whatever the hell you want. I’m going to go do it. #SoulSurvivor.”

This is going to be fantastically horrible, and I’ll probably watch every minute of it.