12.31.09 8 years ago 29 Comments

I abhor making lists, especially ones that arbitrarily rank one thing as better than another. So the criteria I used for this list were: which women on TV did Warming Glow obsess the most over in 2009? Naturally I ended up favoring actresses who were not only beautiful, but also talented, intelligent, and in shows that are well made. Or super-slutty. Whatever.

10. Megan Fox. Her middling “Saturday Night Live” was overshadowed by Jenny Slate, so what really gets her on the list is the effort I put into creating the five sexiest Megan Fox TV roles. Did you want to see a teenage Megan Fox in a bikini? I thought so.

9. Olivia Munn. Because I work on the Internet, I know that I’m supposed to be a big fanboy of Olivia, and her Playboy spread is as good as non-nudity gets. But I dunno, I feel like she tries too hard to cater to nerds. Stop that! You’re better than us!

8. Leighton Meester. It’s not easy working in the shadow of Blake Lively’s cans (see: the Emmys, Rolling Stone), but her GQ spread convinced me that she deserved a spot.

7. Olivia Wilde. Maxim says she’s #1 in the world. This GQ spread says #7 on TV. Hey, number seven is really good. There’s some stiff competition below. (Yes, that’s an erection innuendo.)

6. Blake Lively. Yeah, yeah: pretty much everything about her is physical perfection. But she also hosted what may have been the best SNL episode this season.

5. Alison Brie. Because she’s always playing a buttoned-up priss on “Community” and “Mad Men,” it’s easy to overlook the searing heat of this video.

4. Eva Amurri. Showed off her magnificent breasts as a stripper in “Californication,” then upped her cool points by filling in for Olivia Munn on “Attack of the Show.” But really, revealing her tits and working the pole was enough.

3. January Jones. Working for her: the Fellini heroine she looked like when the Drapers went to Italy; everything about her GQ cover and her not-Photoshopped tits. Working against her: a terrible hosting gig on SNL.

2. Christina Hendricks. Her mesmerizing role as Joan on “Mad Men” aside, there’s just so, so much to love about her, from her early acting gigs (kissing girls and having car sex on the way to her wedding) to little details like hanging out with Neil Patrick Harris and drinking whiskey. And the fact that she married a total dweeb is only infuriating because it SHOULD HAVE BEEN US, DAMMIT!

1. Mary-Louise Parker. Upset! Unlike those stuffy broads on “Mad Men,” Mary-Louise goes all-out for her craft and gets naked on her show and in Esquire. And she writes for Esquire, too. Her ass is phenomenal. And c’mon, she’s in her 40s — the younger women have plenty of years left to get to number one.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: I ought to have my ass kicked for leaving Padma Lakshmi off this list, so let’s go ahead and pretend Megan Fox isn’t on the list and make Padma #10. Also: Sarah Shahi, Jamie Lee Darley, Evan Rachel Wood.

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