These Links Toast Your Failed Career

05.28.10 8 years ago 7 Comments

Danger Guerrero here.  Matt went out for a pack of cigarettes.  He said he’ll smell you later.  So you’ve got me for two posts this morning and one later today.  On to the links.

Rosebud?  More like Rosébud. Vince unearths a glorious clip of Orson Welles drunkenly trying to film a wine commercial.  He’s not only the spokesperson, he’s also a client.  [Film Drunk]

YOUR FIREARMS ARE USELESS AGAINST THEM! In the worst story ever, a car crashed into a truck carrying 17 million bees.  Two people were killed, as well as the the thousands of bees that stung them. [Gamma Squad]

Seems reasonab – oh, million?  Nevermind. Tiger’s wife wants $750 million.  That’s like 50 bucks per mistress, according to the National Enquirer’s count.  [With Leather]

Cheryl Cole’s breasts can cure any ailment.  Including decapitation. The 50 hottest World Cup WAGS.  Yeah, we need a better term for these ladies.  WAG sounds like a cross between whore and hag.  The stars of Sex & the City would be a perfect example.  [Bleacher Report]

Eff this list. I’m supposed to be nice to the linking partners, but how in the name of Wild Bill Hickok can you make a list of the top 10 cowboys in film and TV history and leave off Val Kilmer’s Doc Holliday in TombstoneExhibit A.  Hey, Guyism, I’m your huckleberry.  [Guyism]

More links after the jump, including sex tapes, and the most effective Italian lesson ever

Why not? The greatest moments in zombie history.  [Inside Movies]

I saw Barb Wire for the intricate plot structure. The 100 sexiest movie posters of all time.  I can’t for the life of me figure out why executives would think a scantily clad woman would entice moviegoers to the theaters.  [Gunaxin]

Not according to Nic Cage’s National Treasure documentary series. George Washington and JFK were our two richest Presidents.  Stupid elitist Washington, looking down on us from his ivory tower.  [Asylum]

She must be so embarrassed.  And by embarrassed, I mean “pleased and compensated.” A clip of Kendra Wilkinson’s sex tape.  Fact: you cannot release a tape of someone having sex without their approval.  However, you do not need their approval to masturbate to it.  Trust me, I’m in law school.  Sex tape law in this country is not governed by reason.  (NSFW – duh)  [Drunken Stepfather]

I can’t explain to you how proud I am of that banner pic.  When I started law school, I had dreams of becoming a high powered, cutthroat attorney like the blue-haired lawyer.  After one week at my summer internship position, I see a Hutzian future in the cards.  I hope they cover attorney-dumpster confidentiality in my professional rules class next year.  I’ll need it.

Anyway, in looking for Lionel Hutz-related stuff for this post, I stumbled upon a bunch of YouTube clips of “The Simpsons” dubbed in Italian.  Far be it from me to put the Rosetta Stone babe out of business, but I’m pretty sure I can pick up a new language much faster this way.

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