Top Chef Power Rankings, Week 5: Going Whole Hog With Hootie

12.30.16 2 years ago 15 Comments

For those of you counting down the episodes until this season’s Charleston-based Top Chef went barbecue, count no longer, because the barbecue episode is here. Was here. Whatever. Did one of the contestants helpfully explain the difference between “barbecue” and… uh… not barbecue? You better believe it. Chef Jim, of all people (aka Truman Compote), said he hates when people put a steak on a grill for five minutes and then call it “barbecue.” That’s not barbecue, ya dern yankees!

Can you believe it? Jim said “hates!” Unreal. Jim’s dominant personality trait is unconditional love. But yes, “barbecue” is cooking meat over low heat for long periods of time. That other thing where you cook meat over a grill is called “grilling.” I think most of us food television viewers have had this pedantically explained to us at least 10 or a hundred times by now. I can’t wait to hear some now-culinarily-woke Australian nudge his mate and say “Oi, Roggo, whoy don’t you put us anothah shrimp on the grillie?”

Oh, but that’s not all. This week’s guest judge? Why, none other than Charleston’s own Darius Rucker, Hootie himself. Who wasn’t afraid to “let her cry” any time a chef failed to bring the Darius Ruckus, know what I mean? (*dodges rock*) I kid, he was actually pretty nice. Because of course he was, he’s f*cking Hootie. He was the frontman of the least controversial band of the mid 90s, which is really saying something. Remember when Monica made out with one of the Blowfish on Friends? I sure do.

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