Tragedy: When Sexy Stars Date Trolls

06.01.10 8 years ago 8 Comments

Celebrities: they’re better-looking than we are. They really are. Oh sure, we can point out the Danny DeVitos and Whoopi Goldbergs and complain about Megan Fox’s thumbs as much as we like, but the cold hard truth is that the average celebrity is light years more attractive than the average person.

As such, celebrities are entitled to bed whichever other attractive they like, especially movie co-stars or musical collaborators. Star athletes are also encouraged to use any means possible to get in touch with attractive women, whether it’s telling ball boys to round up groupies in the stands or using their agents to procure the phone numbers of Victoria’s Secret models. I’d like to denounce this practice, but it’s precisely what I’d do if I had the fame and the resources.

Now, there are certain exceptions to the rules of celebrities dating uggos. Rock stars and similarly talented artists are allowed to pull a certain percentage hotter than what they deserve because chicks like talent (and money). So that explains Seal with Heidi Klum, as well as anyone Mick Jagger’s ever been with. But what follows are some of the most egregious rule-breakers — the celebrities who date everyday douchebags and ugly people. DAMMIT! Don’t they realize that ugly, unimpressive person could be ME?

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