The Westworld Confusion Index is your guide to what we know, what we kind of know, and what we don’t know about Westworld, one of television’s more confusing shows. We will make mistakes, surely, because we rarely know what is happening or why (and whenever we think we’ve figured it out, they go and change it on us), but we will try to have at least as many jokes as mistakes. This is the best we can offer. Here we go.
What We Know
They should not have left the robot bulls so close to Maeve
There are almost certainly more important things to focus on from this episode. Lots of them. Maybe. I’m not entirely sure what happened in any of it. Someone ripped open a portal to robot heaven, for the love of God, and that was maybe the third most confusing thing that happened in the finale’s sprawling 90-minute runtime. But we are going to begin with the bulls, in part so I can post that GIF and in part so I can point out how staggeringly negligent it was of the human Delos employees to leave a number of lifeless hosts, some of which were robot bulls, in close proximity to Maeve, a host with the power to control the minds and actions of other hosts, which the humans knew because they just harvested that power to put it in Zombie Clem like 30 minutes earlier.
It’s like no one there has ever seen a superhero movie. When you catch a villain — not that I would call Maeve a villain, per se, but stick with me — who has mind control powers, you lock them away in a special cell that is suspended in the air in a huge impenetrable empty silo.
But maybe you don’t have an impenetrable silo. That’s fine. Disappointing, but fine. At least keep her away from the robot bulls. I mean, Jesus Christ. Huge unforced error.
Did you see the Charlotte ruse coming? I’ll admit it: I did not. I figured Dolores wasn’t dead because Dolores is now the most important character on the show and because very few people on this show ever “die.” (More on this later.) But I was expecting Dolores to open her eyes on the floor and start massacring Delos-types. I thought it would have something to do with the thing where she turned into Luke Cage when William was trying to shoot her outside the facility, taking bullets and being generally unkillable. Which was weird, in hindsight, since she was killed moments later.
Nope. Bernard — with the help of Ford, who he’s basically hallucinating now, which is fine and normal — made a quick robot Charlotte and then put Dolores’ brain into robot Charlotte’s body and then had robot Charlotte kill real Charlotte and bingo bango Charlotte is Dolores now. Or rather, was Dolores. Charlotte escaped the island with the help of Stubbs (more on him in a minute, too), with a sack of pearls on her person, and appeared to have put herself back into her original body by the end.
Busy day for Dolores, man.
We got a dang secret rip in the universe and it leads to robot heaven
Quibble if you desire over my calling the lush green paradise “robot heaven,” but it was described by Virtual Logan as “a virtual Eden,” and as the hosts crossed over, their lifeless corpses flopped over the ledge in the flooding valley, which sounds a lot like an afterlife. Go back and watch that whole scene, from them marching toward the tear to Zombie Clem bringing chaos on horseback and put it on mute and play “Crossroads” by Bone Thugs-n-Harmony. It will make sense.
Anyway, some nice stuff here. Westworld hasn’t exactly been loaded with happy endings so far, so if we never see Ake or Maeve’s daughter again, it’s cool to know they’re chilling in robot heaven with people they care about. That’s something!
Against truly staggering odds, Lee Sizemore died a hero
Lee Sizemore spent almost two entire seasons being a weasel. He whined and sniveled and drank so much that he urinated off a balcony inside the Delos facility in front of his boss and coworkers. He didn’t bring a single useful skill to the table after the revolution and was responsible for Maeve getting shot and captured. He was just the worst. I kind of loved him.
Which brings us to the reason I’m referring to him in the past tense. My dude decided to be a hero. He sacrificed himself so Maeve and Hector could get away. And he got to give the big martyr speech that he originally wrote for Hector. Could you, perhaps, suggest that maybe letting a robot take those bullets would have been the smarter play, or that a high-ranking Delos figure could have stalled the security forces with words or misdirection or some other plan that didn’t involve him marching into a tornado of lead like Scarface? You could. Later. Let’s let Lee have this for a week or two.
Things are about to… happen?
If I understand this correctly, and I’m at least 60 percent sure I do, the following things are true:
- Dolores and Bernard are off the island and in the real world, in the facility Arnold was building back at the beginning of the season
- The “pearls” Dolores — then as Charlotte — smuggled off the island will allow her to create new robots in the war she plans to fight against humanity, one of which I have chosen to believe will be a new Teddy
- They have a robot-making machine in the facility, which I’m assuming is how Charlotte made the new Dolores and Bernard
- Dolores has acquired almost all the knowledge in the world thanks to Virtual Logan and the library of hosts
- Dolores said this to Bernard: “You’ll try to stop me. Both of us will probably die. But our kind will have survived.”
So… yeah. No clue where this goes. Should be wild, though. I hope there are tons of scenes where Dolores struggles to make sense of the real world, like a robot Encino Man.