Soccer: United States vs. Mexico (Telemundo) — Correction: Fútbol: México vs. Estados Unidos. This is on right now, live from Mexico. You don’t have to like soccer; you just have to hate the Mexican soccer team. Mexico just tied it up in the 19th minute after a Charlie Davies goal in the 10th minute. Dammit.
America’s Got Talent (NBC) — I just really want this to be called “America Has Talent.” It sounds more dignified. Now bring on the guy who can play “Dixie” with armpit fart noises!
Criss Angel: Mindfreak (A&E) — Hey Criss, I gotta trick you can do: Why doncha DISAPPEAR?!?! Zing.
Wipeout (ABC) — For what it’s worth, ABC has gotten the lowest network ratings in the 18-49 demographic IN HISTORY three different times this summer. That pleases me greatly.
Truth Be Told (TLC) — Two obsessive hoarders are profiled before their families stage an intervention. I liked this better when it was last night’s season finale of “Obsessed” on A&E.
Hard Knocks (HBO) — Season premiere of what’s going on at the Cincinnati Bengals’ training camp. I’ll be live-blogging this over at Kissing Suzy Kolber.