Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (Syfy, 9:00 p.m.) — David Hasselhoff, Bo Derek, Mark Cuban, Kathie Lee and Hoda, Jerry Springer, Ann Coulter (what?), Penn and Teller, Michele Bachmann (DOUBLE WHAT?), Frankie Muniz, Holly Madison and Kendra Wilkinson, Chris Jericho, the fifth most important member of *NSYNC and Anthony Weiner (OK, seriously?) all show up late to the cool kids’ party and try to pretend they’ve been invited and were there the whole time.
White People (MTV, 8:00 p.m.) — Remember that race relations seminar you took as part of your required courses during your freshman year? Yeah, well, MTV has turned it into a whole special. This is what it’s come to now, people: the network that enabled the pinnacle of the Eminem-Moby feud feels comfortable lecturing the rest of us on race right after snubbing Nicki Minaj out of a VMA nomination. We’ve got to get it together, you guys.
Key & Peele (Comedy Central, 10:00 p.m.) — Key takes Peele on a first date and looks on in horror as he unloads a truck full of vitriol typically reserved for the comments section on YouTube all over their innocent waiter.
Why? With Hannibal Buress (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.) — Another week, another set of comedy sketches from a hilarious and mostly detached Hannibal Buress.
The Jim Gaffigan Show (TV Land, 10:00 p.m.) — Jim comes home from the road a day early just to go full dumb husband and mix up his son’s drawing with his daughter’s school applications. After his wife rolls her eyes in exasperation, they cross their fingers hoping that it doesn’t screw up their daughter’s admission.
MasterChef (FOX, 8:00 p.m.) — *Cow puns go here* because the contestants are cooking for a bunch of ranchers and cowboys. In accordance with the rules and regulations set forth by the lawless rabble of the American frontier, the losers have to bake a bunch of tarts.
Suits (USA, 9:00 p.m.) — Eric Close (that one guy from Without a Trace) guest stars as Harvey’s former/maybe current nemesis who’s on the opposite side of a new case. Meanwhile, Rachel and Donna help Louis set things right with Harvey … possibly at Jack’s expense.
Extant (CBS, 9:00 p.m.) — NEW TIME SLOT, EVERYBODY! Everyone is so in love with Extant that CBS moved it up an hour. This week, Molly learns that aliens are trying to communicate with humans using special markers in their DNA. The aliens would probably have a better shot at communicating with an autotuned version of a viral video of some guy getting kicked in the crotch.
Mr. Robot (USA, 10:00 p.m.) — Elliot’s gotta get in and out of the most secure data facility in America (so, definitely not the Ashley Madison headquarters, AMIRITE?) and he hopes to do so without being made to look like a n00b.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Denis Leary, Kristin Chenoweth and American Authors on Corden; Jake Gyllenhaal on The Daily Show; Norm Macdonald, JoAnna Garcia Swisher and Jeremih featuring Flo Rida on Fallon; Ed Helms, Brie Larson and Joss Stone on Kimmel; Cara Delevingne, Neon Trees and David Lovering on Meyers.