Homerism Regional: No. 5 Eagle Vs. No. 4 Raven. WHO YA GOT?

03.19.08 10 years ago 25 Comments

According to Miwok mythology (whatever the fuck that is), the Raven done stole the Sun from the Eagle. Oh snap! GRUDGE MATCH GRUDGE MATCH!

Voting is closed. The Eagle won with 71 percent of the vote.

Gray Eagle had a beautiful daughter, and Raven fell in love with her. He was a snow-white bird, and as a such, he pleased Gray Eagle’s daughter. She invited him to her father’s longhouse.

When Raven saw the Sun, Moon and stars, and fresh water hanging on the sides of Eagle’s lodge, he knew what he should do. He watched for his chance to seize them when no one was looking. He stole all of them, and a brand of fire also, and flew out of the longhouse through the smoke hole. As soon as Raven got outside he hung the Sun up in the sky. It made so much light that he was able to fly far out to an island in the middle of the ocean. When the Sun set, he fastened the Moon up in the sky and hung the stars around in different places. By this new light he kept on flying, carrying with him the fresh water and the brand of fire he had stolen.

He flew back over the land. When he had reached the right place, he dropped all the water he had stolen. It fell to the ground and there became the source of all the fresh-water streams and lakes in the world. Then Raven flew on, holding the brand of fire in his bill. The smoke from the fire blew back over his white feathers and made them black. When his bill began to burn, he had to drop the firebrand. It struck rocks and hid itself within them. That is why, if you strike two stones together, sparks of fire will drop out.

Raven’s feathers never became white again after they were blackened by the smoke from the firebrand. That is why Raven is now a black bird.

Contestants

Eagle_______Raven

Evokes

America_________Death

Bragging rights

Bald eagles no longer endangered____Possibly the smartest bird

Ugly past

Sold munitions to Basque separatists______Stabbed oriole

Champion in the arts

John Ashcroft_________Edgar Allen Poe

Annoying pop culture namebearer

Eagle Eye Cherry__________Brooding former WCW wrestler

Finishing move

Building aerie out of dollar bills___Feasting on dead flesh, plentiful in Baltimore

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