Republicans’ Only Plan To Stop Donald Trump From Becoming Their Presidential Nominee In 2024 Is Hoping He Just Drops Dead

With a Trump 2024 presidential run seeming more and more likely, plenty of Republicans are scrambling for a plan to get rid of the party’s very large, very loud, very orange albatross. Sadly, the best they’ve come up with so far is this: keep hoping he dies before the next election cycle begins.

According to an Atlantic story featuring multiple conversations with GOP insiders, Republicans know another Trump campaign would be a death knell for the party but no one is willing to risk their own political futures to stand up to him.

“You have a lot of folks who are just wishing for [Trump’s] mortal demise,” former Michigan Rep. Peter Mejier tells the outlet. “I want to be clear: I’m not in that camp. But I’ve heard from a lot of people who will go onstage and put on the red hat, and then give me a call the next day and say, ‘I can’t wait until this guy dies.’”

Trump left political devastation in his wake after his 2020 election loss with Republicans blaming his obsession with baseless voter fraud conspiracy theories for their lackluster performance in the recent Midterms. Florida Governor Ron DeSantis initially emerged as a contender to face off against the twice-impeached president but he might be too busy tracking the menstrual cycles of teenage girls in his state to focus on running against his former ally. That means it’s up to some other yellow-bellied GOP member to pick up the gauntlet and with most of the party fielding their own scandals, chances are slim some right-wing hero will rise through the ranks before 2024.

Fortunately, Trump dines solely on Diet Coke and fish filets, has the body of an unnaturally lazy orangutang, detests exercise, and stays up late to watch conservative TV hosts kiss his ass on air, so we doubt he’ll be setting any Guinness World Records for longevity. Maybe it’s not a bad plan after all.