Surely Noted Liar George Santos Is Not Lying When He Says ‘I’ve Learned My Lesson’ And Promises Not To Tell Any Lies Ever Again

Conservative laughingstock George Santos is making a new promise to his constituents: He’s going to stop lying about stuff.

The New York congressman has made headlines for all the wrong reasons recently as story after story emerged proving he falsified key details about his life and his campaign. So far, we’ve learned that Santos likely lied about where he went to college, his collegiate volleyball career, his Jewish heritage, his grandparents surviving the Holocaust, his mother surviving 9/11, his drag queen era in Brazil, stealing donations from a dying dog’s GoFundMe, and how his election campaign was financed.

It’s that last fib that’s gotten him in trouble with the DOJ and FEC, which might be the reason for his new stance on the value of integrity. Santos told One America News Network Tuesday that he plans to speak the truth and nothing but the truth from here on out.

“I’ve learned my lesson,” he said via New York Daily News. “I can guarantee you that from now on anything, everything is always going to be above board.”

Of course, he also had to add that pretty much everything he’s ever said was already “above board” but now it’s going to be looming so high there’ll be no need to question his moral compass. “It’s largely always been aboveboard,” he continued. “I’m just gonna go the extra step now to double-check, cross-reference everything.”

Ahhh yes, the old “double-check, cross-reference” whether your mother died when the Twin Towers fell. Who hasn’t had to go back and jog their memory about that before?

Santos’ newfound candor might not save him from federal probes into where his campaign received its finances last year — he’s made three different claims about where the hundreds of thousands of dollars in question originated — or get him off the hook for all of the previous tales he’s spun, but we’re sure that won’t stop him from hoping it will.

(Via New York Daily News)