Stephen Hawking Will Not Invite Aliens To Earth’s Kegger

04.27.10 9 years ago

(Photoshop aside, where are the parents?! This sh-t is irresponsible.)

Bad news everybody, all those foreigners you guys invited to the barbeque are gonna’ have to take off. See, Stephen Hawking is on his way over to the party and that f–ker is racist. What’s that you say? Oh, thooose kinds of aliens. Okay, um, good news everyone: the fondue is ready!

*clicks finger guns*

On the newly premiered Discovery Channel program Into the Universe with Stephen Hawking the renowned physicist speaks outs against contact with alien life forms, speculating that they could be hostile.

“If aliens visit us, the outcome would be much as when Columbus landed in America, which didn’t turn out well for the Native Americans,”

“Such advanced aliens would perhaps become nomads, looking to conquer and colonise whatever planets they can reach,” warned Hawking.

“To my mathematical brain, the numbers alone make thinking about aliens perfectly rational.” [yahoo!news]

The Native Americans, you say?! Stephen, come on man, we should be so lucky as to end up with state-sanctioned property lines and local, full-scale resort casinos.

Video after the jump:

Anyway, if you ask me, I’m convinced that if aliens ever did land on Earth, they’d probably just want to party. Way I see it, if all that talk about Earth’s radio frequencies emitting into the far depths of the galaxy is true, than surely by now they must have picked up some kind of radio signal from the 1990s. Using mathematical reasoning, that would give the aliens a 75% chance of having listened to Ace of Base, thus proving that they’d only want to hang. It’s simple reasoning, Watson.

Special thanks to for the cuddling.

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