If you’re not a regular Fox News watcher, flipping to the channel for even just a few minutes can be a confusing experience that elicits many important questions: Are these people reporting facts, or editorializing? Does anyone fact check what the anchors are saying? Why is Tucker Carlson guffawing like a madman at everything Kid Rock says? Why is Kid Rock there at all? Did Kid Rock just say that Donald Trump asked his advice on what to do about North Korea?
It’s easy to become overwhelmed, and even slightly alarmed. Which is why we need Desi Lydic in our lives. The Daily Show correspondent is fluent in Fox News, and regularly makes a point of helping out the rest of us by “Foxsplaining” the network’s most pressing conspiracy theories. Right now, the one thing on her mind is the confirmation of Supreme Court nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson. As Lydic explains, after watching 687 hours of Fox News, here’s what the network is telling us:
“Credenza Brown Jackson is part of the radical, far left, Green New Deal geek squad of vaccine mandaters. KBJ was a public defender who represented some seriously questionable characters: Murderers, terrorists. Why hasn’t she once represented someone not charged with a crime? Seriously—show me in the U.S. Legal Code where it says criminals have the right to an attorney! I’ll wait…”
Running with Carlson’s repeated demands to see Jackson’s LSAT scores—which Lydic notes previous nominees have done “zero percent of the time”—The Daily News correspondent wants to take it even further. “I want to see Ketanji LSATs, her MCATs, her STD tests, her AOL screen name, and her high scores in Tetris,” Lydic says.
The biggest question, of course (besides “Are babies racist?”), is whether Jackson is “soft on child pornographers,” according to Lydic. After all, “sex offenders deserve the harshest punishment possible,” she says. “Unless they used to host a Fox News show—in which case it’s cancel culture.”
You can watch Lydic’s full rundown above.