06.17.08 10 years ago 76 Comments

Hollywood Reporter announced today that Live Free or Die Hard director and Kate Beckinsale husband Len Wiseman will direct Gears of War, based on the video game. And if that weren’t bad enough, the screenwriter behind Wanted and 4 Fast 4 Furious will be writing the screenplay.

Cliff Bleszinski, the "Gears" design director at Epic, said the tricks to adapting a game are simple: "Hollywood needs to take the source material seriously, win over the avid gamers and make it work for an audience that is young and old, male and female."

Yeah, take the material seriously! Damn straight!  Wait, what’s our material again?

Set on the planet Sera, the game thrusts players into a battle for survival between humans and a race of creatures that surface from the bowels of the planet known as the Locust Horde. Players assume identities of soldiers on Delta Squad as they fight to save Sera’s inhabitants. 

Aw, son of a…

"Disney made a great movie out of a theme park ride, and somebody is sooner or later going to make a great one out of a video game," Bleszinski said.

Just to recap: they’re making a movie out of a video game.  With the guy who wrote 4 Fast 4 Furious.  Which they plan to take seriously.  So that, if all goes well, it can be as good as Pirates of the Caribbean.  …Right now I’m just going to bang this gong that says "Turd Alert".  Don’t read too much into it, I’m sure this movie will be great.

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