Senior Editor
08.21.07 25 Comments

Ryan Seacrest, who I'm pretty sure looks like a Ken doll down there, has been announced as the host of this year's Emmies.  What is the Emmies, you ask?  A prescient question, asswipe.  The Emmies are awards that TV executives give to shows like Two and a Half Men while pretending that anything they do has artistic merit.  

In other words, Seacrest is perfect for the job.  Strangely, he'll also be emceeing the Super Bowl.  The Emmies I can see, but for Seacrest talking football? I picture basically the opposite of Fred Willard as the dog show announcer in Best in Show.

"Now Joe, with these 300-pound lineman, just to give the folks at home some idea – how long would you say it takes a guy like that to shave his chest?"

I also think "MC Super Bowl" would be a sweet rap name. 

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