Senior Editor
09.22.09 106 Comments

(Sorry, I didn’t have a picture of the actual screenwriter, and I just thought… oh nevermind.)

Folks, even with all the retarded crap I have to write about every day, it’s not often that I legitimately smack myself in the face whilst researching a story.  This was one of those stories.  It started with the news that Walden Media is producing Gene, a script from Randi Mayem Singer about… you guessed it, a male genie.  They call it “a modern take on the classic genie story.”  And in this context, I guess “modern” means that this time the genie’s not Shaq.  Now, if the name Randi Mayem Singer sounds familiar, it’s because she’s also responsible for:

But wait, it gets better!  Today I learned that she’s also working on — and gird your loins, because this may be one of the dumbest f’cking things I’ve ever had to type — a sitcom for The CW with Will and Jada Pinkett Smith called… M.I.L.F. and Cookies.  That’s right, “Mom I’d Like to F’ck and Cookies.”  If that doesn’t say family-friendly sitcom, I don’t know what does.  Description:

Pickup — “M.I.L.F. and Cookies” (working title), a single-camera half-hour about young, single moms who realize they need each other in order to raise their kids and have a social life. Randi Mayem Singer wrote the pilot and will exec produce. [Variety]

*breathing into a paper bag* Okay, okay, I promise I can make it through this post.  She has just one more project I need to tell you about.  It’s called  (*mops brow*) Topper, and she’s writing it for  (*dry heave*) Adam Shankman, director of Cheaper by the Dozen 2, The Pacifier, and Bringing Down the House (*prolapse*).  Here’s the description from IMDB (where it’s listed as ‘in production’):

Steve Martin attached to play Cosmo Topper, an up-tight estate liquidator who’s hired to sell off the estate of George and Mimi Kirby, a recently-deceased wealthy young socialite couple who have no intention of letting their ghostly forms stop them from partying… or from trying to show Topper what life’s all about.

Whoa, I blacked out for a second there.  What happened?  When I woke up I had my own poop smeared all over my face.  Thank God it was my poop.  Other peoples’ poop smells really bad.

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