08.20.09 9 years ago 11 Comments

Okay, now I’ve never heard of these dudes before, but I guess there is this band called The Beatles and apparently they’ve had a couple of hits over years…I guess. It’s hard to tell if they’re popular or not, because I recently bought Now That’s What I Call Music 30 and none of their songs were on it. Pussycat Dolls were on there for sure, but not these dudes called The Beatles.

Anyway, news today is that Robert Zemeckis and Disney are in talks to remake Yellow Submarine into a 3-D bigscreen feature. Don’t choke on the bong water, Spicoli, you read that correctly: a 3-D version of Yellow Submarine; an experience that sounds both amazingly awesome and yet horribly terrifying, all at the same time.

Disney and Robert Zemeckis are looking to catch the wave of Beatlemania, floating a new 3-D “Yellow Submarine” for the bigscreen, with merchandising in tow and prospects for spinning off both a Broadway musical and a Cirque du Soleil stage production. [Variety]

Thanks be to Allah! For a minute there I briefly thought that this remake would be about the music, but I’m relieved to hear that a Beatles-themed Slap Chop could whore it’s way into my dead heart soon.

Wait, what?! This news keeps getting better? Variety continues…

Zemeckis plans to use the 3-D performance-capture format he utilized on the upcoming “A Christmas Carol,” in which Jim Carrey plays Scrooge…

Yeah, that’s right grandpa. No more of that homo “drawn” sh-t that used to so gratefully accent the THC levels in your blood stream. Nope, now we’ve got these new things called “calculators” and they can recreate dead, lifeless, moving family portraits like this.

I’m torn folks: on one end I really like Robert Zemeckis, but at the same time, if something ain’t broke *hawks in spittoon* then why fix it? I’m afraid at this point I can only pound my movie-remake-erection to half-mast. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to place an order with Crate & Barrel to replace all these burnt spoons.

*huffs spray paint from paper sac, dials Crate & Barrel*


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