It’s a new month, a new you, and one more reason to quit your job and try for something brave and exciting in your life. So maybe you aren’t traveling the world with Netflix, or serving as a ninja, or even getting paid to get drunk all summer long. None of that matters right now. Just like your mom always said: When the universe closes a door, you can always jerk it back open again because who the hell is the universe to tell you how doors work? And doesn’t it know that the world’s hottest and most exclusive new job is that of a wombat cuddler? That’s right: a person who actually spends their days cuddling a wombat (babies, though; older ones have claws).
Before you decide whether this position is right for you, check out the video above. That’s Derek, the orphaned wombat who needs your help. If, for some reason, you find that cuddling him might not be your calling, you’re welcome to continue living your life. If, on the other hand, you believe that Tiny D (my new nickname for him) is your soul-mate, here’s what you need to know.
The successful applicant will be flown on an all-expenses-paid trip to Flinders Island, where they’ll also get to enjoy the local sights. The pros of the role are getting to spend some quality time with the ridiculously cute animal. Who could resist this face?
The cons are that the job is unpaid and only lasts for three days, and you have to be an Australian citizen to qualify. Boo.
Boo, indeed. But if you do qualify (and have the vacation days), you can apply here. Just make sure to make your mini-essay on why you’re the only cuddle companion Tiny D will ever need is better than anything else you’ve ever done. Please report back if you score the gig. Counting on you, Aussie Uproxxers.