Life

How Did We Miss This Story About A Guy Leaving Fruit In His Wife’s Vagina?


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Hey, what’s up, it’s me, the ghost of gross things past and I’ve got something awesome to tell you: A story about a guy asking his wife to put in her vagina, is blowing up the internet something fierce. The fruit’s only part of the surprise, though; the other big issue is that this story’s from March. So why is it just making waves now? NO ONE KNOWS, but since we all missed this whopper of a tale eight months ago, let’s bring it back just in time for Christmas!

Okay, so: According to a woman who posted her story on Reddit, her husband was tired of her getting her eight daily servings of fruit by mouth. So he sat her down and asked he to just start sticking it up herself, leaving it there, going about her daily business, and letting him eat the fruit at night, after another long day at work. Either that, or he wanted some Fruit of the Loom briefs and she heard it as “put the fruit in your womb.”

Anyway, here’s the story (of a lovely lady, who had…never mind):

Quick back story, our relationship hasn’t been quite ideal, and in hopes of trying to save it, and spark some flames, I agreed to do whatever my husband wanted to help spice things up again.

Recently, he asked me to stick different things in my vagina, like apples, pears, carrots, etc.. and keep in there all they so that he could eat them at night when he came home from work.

I have gone along with it, thinking it would be something like a one time thing or so, but its been almost two months, and he shows no signs of wanting to stop.

I am not sure if anyone else has done this, and if so, what was you r experience? One of my concerns is, his and my health, can this make him or I sick? The fruits we buy are organic, and I spend a good deal cleaning them thoroughly

So there’s good news and bad news. The good news is that putting fruit inside the vagina won’t actually do any damage, although as one doctor points out in the comments, it’s important that one uses protection — well then how does the fermenting happen? — or use fruits that have skins that act like a barrier. The bad news is that there’s (probably) some poor person out there with walking around with an apple inside themselves. Can you imagine this person trying to go to work? To the office? To drinks with their friends? What kind of muscle control must you have in order to not accidentally let the secret out? And what about when you need to pee? (Also: there are no studies that suggest that fruit insertion could be harmful, but it seems like it’s best to apply the same rules you would when trying to avoid Toxic Shock Syndrome. There are also no studies about eating fruit from another person’s orifices, either, so proceed with caution.)

According to Cosmopolitan, which first reported the story, there’s at least one other factor to consider here: a yeast infection. Terrible! And as commenters on the Reddit thread also make clear, it’s also important to think about the fruit one is using and the portions. Do you go with a whole apple? Slices? Are you trying to make fruit compote or what?

And here’s the most important question: Do you hope this story is true, or are you hoping it’s fake because, honestly, there are limits to love. And those limits should probably be hit before someone decides that their significant other needs to turn their insides into a portable produce section. (Of course, people have made vaginal yogurt and vaginal bread before, but this seems a bit far.)

You missed it then, but you know now!

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