In 1990, L.A.P.D.’s John Kimble went deep undercover to ensnare a drug dealer. But due to a series of convenient coincidences, the Arnold Schwarzenegger-played muscleman ended up infiltrating a kindergarten class as the substitute teacher, learning that sniping a man between the eyes from 100 yards is slightly less difficult than wrangly 20 toddlers for naptime. Comedic hijinks ensued, and everyone learned a valuable lesson. Sometimes the children teach you! Kindergarten Cop turned into a sizable hit for director Ivan Reitman and Universal, leaving everyone satisfied that the story had been told.
Except Dolph Lundgren, apparently. The Schwarzenegger-esque action hero signed on to appear in a sequel to Kindergarten Cop, and it now has a release date of May 17, only 26 years after the original! Ignoring whatever absurd confluence of chance would put yet another heavily-accented agent in the company of kindergartners, the nuts and bolts of this movie hardly feel like they’re real, or serious, or just non-ironic. The overreaching trailer voice-over has become such a cliché that it might as well be a parody of itself, and the sight of a lumbering Lundgren howling helplessly as pint-size kids swarm around him certainly reads as comedic. So, if this is a Kaufmanesque, extremely conceptual prank, then well done. This will make for an excellent episode of Nathan For You later this year, somehow.