Imagined Scenes From The Very Real Film Class Matthew McConaughey Is Teaching This Fall

07.05.16 3 years ago 6 Comments
Professor Matthew McConaughey


Last week, the University of Texas at Austin announced that Matthew McConaughey will team up with his Free State of Jones director Gary Ross this fall to teach a film class. The good news: Professor Matthew McConaughey. The bad news: Well, not really, as McConaughey’s lessons will be delivered via pre-recorded videos instead of freewheeling lectures and classroom discussions that he leads while eating an apple and sitting on his desk in jeans and a tweed jacket with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and fine, I have been thinking about this a lot. Maybe too much.

But in my defense, it is a lot of fun to think about. Like, what would a film class taught by Matthew McConaughey look like? I wonder…


PROFESSOR MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY: I’m Professor McConaughey and this is Film 101. Film. It’s like life, but recorded. Recorders. We’re surrounded by them now. Cell phones… [begins snapping fingers]… Snapchat. The future is today. [long pause, wry smile] I say we embrace it. Questions? You, third row, green shirt.

A FRESHMAN NAMED LUCAS: This syllabus, uh, it’s just a drawing of a tree.

PROFESSOR MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY: Sure is. The tree of knowledge. We’re planting seeds. Little tiny seeds filled with genetic information, filled with that… [begins thumping chest]… power, to transform, to grow, to become for-mid-able, like a mighty sequoia towering over the forest, branches stretching out and providing shade for all the little critters… [begins making critter noises]… scurrying about, leaves providing nourishment. Ecosystems. Photo-syn-the-sis. That’s you, Chad. That’s what you’ll become.

A FRESHMAN NAMED LUCAS: Um, my name is Lucas, sir.

PROFESSOR MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY: [breaks into huge smile] Lucas the sequoia.


PROFESSOR MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY: Lemme clue y’all in on a little secret. I’ve worked with some great actors. Geniuses. Anthony Hopkins. Morgan Freeman. Kevin Spacey. Sandra Bullock. Woody Harrelson. Leonardo Di-Cap-rio… [begins chuckling to himself after this last one in a way that implies he has a secret he has no intention of sharing]. But the best acting advice I ever received was from Terry Bradshaw on the set of Failure to Launch. He said, “Wait, Kate Hudson is Goldie Hawn’s daughter? Well hot damn. I had no idea.” And that’s what it’s all about. Circles. Hollywood. The passage of time. The mo-ments… [interlocks fingers and holds them up in silence for 15 full seconds]… that connect us all.

A FRESHMAN NAMED EMMA: But Professor McConaughey… I thought Sarah Jessica Parker was in Failure to Launch, not Kate Hudson.

PROFESSOR MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY: [leaps up from desk and points finger at Emma] Exactly!


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