Taylor Swift has a new boyfriend. Have you heard about this? Have you seen this one? I know, who can even keep track anymore! It turns out that in the short time since she dumped Calvin Harris, T-Swizzle has been canoodling and getting super-close with an actor named Tom Hiddleston. Now, most people who have working eyeballs know that Hiddleston is an immensely popular actor who has played Loki in Marvel’s The Avengers and the Thor films, but to Wendy Williams he’s just a 30-something English guy.
Most recently, he and Hugh Laurie earned critical acclaim for their performances on AMC’s The Night Manager, and it’s because of that series that people couldn’t talk about Daniel Craig being done as James Bond without mentioning Hiddleston in the same breath. Even The Night Manager’s director, Susanne Bier, is on the rumored short list for Bond 25, and so Hiddleston has been the top choice for most hardcore Bondage enthusiasts this year. Hell, British bookies took Hiddleston off the board because he’s the guy we all want, and even he wants the role. I mean, we’re well past the point that people are tired of talking about it!
Wendy Williams seems to have slept through the Bond conversations, though. Earlier this week, the talk show host offered her opinion on Swift’s newest boyfriend in a hilariously pointless segment, sandwiched between a BET Awards recap and “Summer’s Hottest Shoes.” Williams openly admits that she has never heard of “this dude” Hiddleston, which seems about right, and so she calls him an “opportunist” because he wants to be James Bond, and he needs to “drum up votes.”
Basically, Wendy Williams accuses Tom Hiddleston of dating Taylor Swift so he can land the role of James Bond.
“So how do you drum up votes? By getting on Hot Topics,” she says as her audience members gasp like they’re watching a snuff film. But what’s really great about this is the thought that Hiddleston is sitting in a dark room with a PR team demanding to know how he can get the role of a lifetime.
“Damn it, people, how do I get this role that is mine if I just say, ‘Hey, I want this role’? Eureka! I’ll meet Taylor Swift at a big celebrity event and we’ll immediately start dating. Then, I’ll meet her parents and she’ll meet my mum, and we’ll cap it all off by making out in Rome.”
“Tom, we’re here to help, but how will that get you the role of James Bond?”
“Because Wendy Williams will have no choice but to talk about it. She controls the world, and soon her audience of sassy, nodding yes-women will be at my feet! Especially this lady…”