Derek Jeter Is Good at the Playing of Baseball

10.04.06 11 years ago

The Tigers lost to Game 1 of their series to the Yankees — five New York runs in the third inning opened the game up, and Bobby Abreu came through with 4 RBIs. And some fellow by the name of Derek Jeter went 5-for-5 with three runs and an RBI.

I really despise the Yankees but I just can't hate Jeter. Even though announcers fellate him for fielding a routine ground ball, I can't help but feel he plays the game the "right way," whatever that is. His game really is close to flawless. I mean, he fucked Vanessa Minillo before she went for that douchily tattooed troll Nick Lachey, he fucked Mariah Carey after she got hot but before she went too insane, and he fucked Jordana Brewster after she became legal. Who gives a fuck about baseball? This man knows is a hero.

I'm happy I missed the game. I was terrified that Joe Buck would call the game, and the doctors have told me to watch my blood pressure. So I watched some Battlestar Galactica DVDs and drank beer with a friend. Well, that's not quite true. I was actually alone. And it wasn't Battlestar Galactica, but an old SI Swimsuit video. And it wasn't beer but a mixture of ether and Popov. Still, not a bad night for me.

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