05.20.08 10 years ago 13 Comments

After 16 years of alleged homosexuality baseball, Mike Piazza is retiring. 

"After discussing my options with my wife, family and agent, I felt it is time to start a new chapter in my life," he said in a statement released Tuesday by his agent, Dan Lozano. "It has been an amazing journey … So today, I walk away with no regrets.

His 396 homers are easily the most as a catcher, according to the Elias Sports Bureau. 

How can you be walking away when nobody signed you this year? How is sitting on your living room sofa for six weeks not a regret? Your ass was holding out hope for six weeks that someone would pick you up. Then you went all, "They didn't break up with me! I broke up with THEM!" And off to your room you ran, weeping like a little bitch. But then Uncle Chester came over–though he's not your real uncle–and made everything all better. I love you, son. Even if you do like boys.

[thanks to ESPN, home of the Jeremy Schaap Masturbating Lounge, coming this Memorial Day Weekend] 

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