Fox’s ‘9-1-1’ Is A Freaking Wild Show, Man

01.22.18 12 months ago 4 Comments


Weirdness exists on a spectrum, in many different kinds and degrees. For example, there’s “just walked into a room and everything looks normal but something seems off” weird, and “this lunch meat smells funny” weird, and “two giraffes riding around town in a convertible” weird, among others. “Weird” is truly one of our most versatile words. Take a few minutes to consider that. Not too long, please, because I need to show you screencaps of an occupied children’s bouncy house floating off into the California sky (coming soon, promise), but’s important that you really wrap your head around this flexibility in the language before we discuss Ryan Murphy’s new Fox first responder drama 9-1-1, because it is weird in at least two distinct ways.

First, the fun one. Here is an incomplete list of things that have happened through the first three episodes of 9-1-1:

– A woman flushed a baby down the toilet and a team of firefighters had to cut a pipe out of the wall and squirt a ton of lube into the pipe to slide the baby out, alive.

– A sex-addicted fireman nicknamed Firehose decapitated a snake with an axe because the snake was strangling its owner, and then he went back to the owner’s building and used the fire truck’s fully extended ladder to meet her on the roof for passionate sex in broad daylight.

– A violent burglar attempted to flee a crime scene on a motorcycle and Firehose blasted him off the bike with an actual firehouse. This one is my favorite. I could watch it forever. And I might, once I finish writing this post.


– A man flew out of his seat during a ride on a rollercoaster and fell to his death because the bar holding him in the seat malfunctioned, possibly because of his heavyset friend’s girth.

– Firehose went to therapy for his sex addiction and ended up having sex with his therapist — played by Autumn Reeser, known by many as Taylor Townsend from The O.C. — before the first appointment was over.

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