Whatever, Just Make The Last Episode About Tormund And The Dog

05.16.19 4 days ago

HBO

Game of Thrones has a problem. The show is now one episode — 80 minutes, give or take — away from its conclusion and things are kind of a mess. Cersei is dead. The Night King is dead. Two of the three dragons are dead. King’s Landing is a pile of ash and charred bodies. Fans are upset about all of it. Some fans are really upset. And now the show has almost backed itself into a corner where either Dany gets to continue her freshly-started reign of terror or Jon and/or Arya has to kill her to prevent it from happening. People are going to be mad either way. That’s why the show should just make the final episode about Tormund and the dog instead.

All of it. All 80 minutes. Just Tormund and Ghost, the direwolf Jon gave up without so much as a belly rub or a little ear scratchy, roaming the North, going on little adventures, like a version of Turner & Hooch where Tom Hanks is a flame-haired ogre who suckled at the teat of a giant whose husband he killed and Hooch is a snow white fictional wolf. What kind of adventures? I’m glad you asked. Options include:

  • Fishing
  • Ghost steals Tormund’s jacket and won’t give it back
  • Tormund keeps calling Ghost “a dog” — hence the title of this post — and Ghost growls at him each time
  • The two of them solve a murder mystery
  • A big mean bear corners one of them and the other saves the day
  • Guess what, Ghost can talk now
  • Maybe Davos shows up
  • Brienne can come, too
  • Tormund tries to housebreak Ghost and hilarity ensues
  • Cortez and his crew have a big heroin shipment coming into the docks but the chief has already taken Tormund and Ghost off the case so they have to go in and thwart him with no backup

And so on. Or none of that. Maybe they just traipse around in the snow and become pals. I don’t know. I’m just throwing some stuff against a wall here. All I do know is that it would be pretty funny if the series finale of the biggest show in the world was just about a goofy giant and his new canine best friend. And why shouldn’t it be? You’re telling me there’s a better plan in place? Sure, maybe there’s “a plan” that “ties together a number of themes from previous seasons” and “provides some level of closure,” but who wants any of that? Not me! More of this, please.

HBO

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