Matthew McConaughey is the king of perplexing car commercials. There’s no getting around that. His Lincoln saga has been going on for something like half a decade and has featured everything from bulls standing in a highway to fully-clothed swimming pool backflops to multiple Matts sitting in one car that appears to be resting on top of a body of water. They’re nuts on their face and even nuttier if you think about them for more than 15 seconds, which I do daily.
With that said, it is my great pleasure to report we at least have a challenger now. Jeremy Renner — action star, house flipper extraordinaire, aspiring rock star — is starring in a series of Jeep commercials this summer titled “Summer of Jeep.” The uniting theme of the three spots is something like this: Jeremy Renner loves Jeeps and the desert and playing live rock shows. Fine, great. But like McConaughey’s Lincoln commercials, things get screwy if you, say, spend the better part of an afternoon watching them and applying the least bit of scrutiny to them. Which I did. And it left me with one simple question: What the hell is happening in Jeremy Renner’s Jeep commercials?
Follow me on a dusty road to chaos.
Jeremy Renner is sitting alone at a table with a blank notepad he appears to be attempting to fill with song lyrics. He sees a Jeep in the dirt parking lot outside and proceeds to have an elaborate fantasy about driving around the desert in this Jeep with a mysterious woman accompanying him.
A few notes
Look closely at this picture.
Yes, Jeremy Renner is daydreaming about riding around the desert with a beautiful woman while the two of them blast his own music out of a Jeep.
Imagine how awkward it must be to get in a car with someone and discover they are blasting their own music.
Maybe that’s why she throws him out of the car at the 0:40 mark.
The commercial ends with — surprise — the mystery woman approaching his table and asking if he’s ready to go.
She calls him “Jeremy,” which seems to imply that he is playing himself in these commercials, as opposed to McConaughey’s Lincoln commercials, which never make it clear who he is portraying.
He does not appear to have written a single song lyric but he still performs a concert at the end.
Is the Jeep his — is he daydreaming about driving around in his own Jeep? — or does it belong to someone else?
If it is not his… why doesn’t he just go buy a Jeep if he wants one so bad?
Couldn’t he buy a Jeep with his house-flipping money?
Was all of this happening while his girlfriend was in the bathroom?
Why is he kicking the sand so much?
Is… is Jeremy Renner actually mad at the desert?
Jeremy Renner is at the same diner. His tour bus — labeled “JEREMY RENNER: ROADHOUSE TOUR” to avoid any confusion — is parked outside. A couple in a Jeep pulls up and Jeremy Renner apparently convinces them to swap rides to his concert so he can joyride in their Jeep.
A few notes
Nothing about any of this makes sense.
The couple he borrowed the Jeep from never went into the diner.
They just pulled up, got approached by Avengers star Jeremy Renner, handed him the keys, then got on the bus and went to a concert.
One of Jeremy Renner’s bandmates calls him “Jer,” which feels weird and I do not like it.
Jeremy Renner should always be addressed by his full name, Jeremy Renner, in my opinion.
At one point, with the bus following him and the Jeep-owning couple inside it, he veers off the road and into the sand, taking a Jeep that is not his over rocks and through streams while the bus rolls on down the road.
Come on, Jeremy Renner, that’s not cool.
That’s not your car.
There is more sand-kicking.
What did Jeremy Renner say to the couple — or offer them? — to let him take their Jeep?
Was this him test-driving a Jeep after daydreaming about it earlier?
Do you think maybe Jeremy Renner is overthinking this potential Jeep purchase?
Was there food on the bus or did this couple just never eat after pulling into a diner for what one can only assume was a plan to have dinner?
What would you do if Jeremy Renner borrowed your car and then you watched him drive it off the road and over some rocks and through a creek?
If you borrowed someone’s car, would you think it is okay to drive it through a creek?
Is… is Jeremy Renner kind of a jerk?
Jeremy Renner is at a fancy party. He kisses a woman on the cheek, leaves, and gets into a Jeep Grand Cherokee. He drives off into the night and to the same venue he performed at in the first two commercials.
A few notes
As he is leaving the fancy party, Jeremy Renner whips off his bow tie and plops it into a bowl of cream on a tray with strawberries.
This is almost as bad as driving that couple’s car through the creek.
Jeremy Renner is a menace.
I mean, I get that you want to leave and get to your show, but there was no need to ruin other’s people’s dessert.
It’s not their fault you double-booked engagements.
Do you think Jeremy Renner spent the whole party telling everyone he had to leave early to play a show?
He definitely did, right?
What would you do if you ordered a nice dessert of strawberries and cream and Jeremy Renner tossed his bow tie into the cream on his way out the door to play the concert he wouldn’t shut up about the whole night?
Where the hell is this venue anyway?
What happened to his tour bus?
Is the implication here that Jeremy Renner fell in love with the desert lifestyle while on tour and so he blew out of a fancy party he was at while getting back to his real life and drove miles and miles through the night to play it again?
If so, how did his band get there?
Where did he get the change of clothes?
What the hell is going on here?
– The commercials, if we view them as one connected story, seem to imply that Jeremy Renner saw a Jeep, daydreamed about owning one, took someone’s Jeep for an off-road joyride, then decided to buy his own.
– There is probably a Reddit thread in this universe titled “Jeremy Renner Sucks” that is littered with stories like “I went out on a date with him and he took me to some weird diner and made me listen to his own music while we drove around,” and “He borrowed my car and I thought it was all pretty funny until he drove it through a creek and the desert and got it all caked with wet sand,” and “FREAKING HAWKEYE THREW HIS BOW TIE INTO MY DESSERT FOR NO REASON.”
– Sand is Jeremy Renner’s most hated enemy and he will attempt to destroy it at every opportunity.