TV

Pam Quotes For When You Need To Stake Your Claim


Aside from the hot sex and magical creatures, True Blood (which you can stream on HBO Now) is best known for its scene stealers. Enter Pam De Beaufort (Kristin Bauer van Straten). The right-hand woman of Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgård), Pam was a steady presence in the True Blood universe for a number of reasons: she was one of the few people Eric trusted, she was the perfect foil for the ultra-sweet Sookie (Anna Paquin), and she could fire off amazing one-liners without sounding like a demented fortune cookie. However, her biggest asset was her unquestionable status as the coolest person in any room.

If you need to stake your claim as an unimpeachable badass, you could do worse than channeling your inner Pam. The next time your friend group or your own good name comes under fire, embrace the essence of Pam and verbally (just verbally) eviscerate your enemies.

“I don’t know what it is about me that makes people think I want to hear their problems. Maybe I smile too much. Maybe I wear too much pink. But please remember I can rip your throat out if I need to. And also know that I am not a hooker. That was a long, long time ago.”

Pam’s no-nonsense attitude was a breath of fresh air in a show that trafficked in deliciously over-the-top campiness. Life was crazy in Bon Temps, but Pam was always there is bring everyone crashing back to earth if they dared question her or her maker’s methods. Just because she liked a cute pair of pumps or a pink tracksuit doesn’t mean that she will think twice about bringing the pain down on those who questioned her. Beneath the lovely exterior was a shard of glass. So, if you find people are getting a little too friendly, remind them that you could end them if you so desired.

“Sookie, stop, don’t, come back.”

While Sookie was a bit of a know-it-all, her real offense in the eyes of Pam was distracting Eric from his purpose of being a badass vampire. By channeling her inner Willie Wonka, Pam quickly dismissed the person who she saw as a real threat to her relationship with Eric. Her ties to Eric may not have been romantic, but that doesn’t mean their bond was any less powerful. For Sookie to try and challenge that was simply unacceptable, so Pam continuously let her have it. The next time someone starts to needle their way into your most important relationships, simply remind them that you were here first and you’re not going anywhere anytime soon.

“I will give you 24 hours to deliver that witch to me, and if you don’t I will personally eat, f*ck, and kill all three of you!”

Anyone who questioned the power of Pam was sure to face a gruesome end, and while you should probably avoid dealing out the true death in your real life, the take no sh*t attitude that Pam brought to every aspect of her life is worth emulating. If you have the chops to back up your stone cold status, why not? Sure, you probably don’t have to face off (literally) against a coven of evil witches in your real life, but your douchebag deskmate could probably stand to feel your wrath from time to time.

“I am so over Sookie and her precious fairy vagina and her unbelievably stupid name! F*ck Sookie!”

Pam’s claim to Head Bitch In Charge of Bon Temps was seemingly unshakeable, but there were a few who tried to challenge that. While Sookie may have been a sweeter option, she certainly threatened Pam’s status quo. Sometimes you just need to spill out all of your frustrations, clean the slate, and move on, which Pam did when she was forced to risk her life to save Sookie for Eric’s sake yet again. Even the Queen needs an emotional outburst from time to time. Still, you’ll probably find success if you do like Pam does: let it out, fix your hair, and get it done, even if you’re internally screaming the entire time.

“My mad face and my happy face are the same.”

If you’re working to cultivate a Pam-like persona, the aura of mystery is essential. Does she love you? Does she hate you? You will probably never know. Poor Tara (Rutina Wesley) never did. Unless you’re one of those people who are, like, emotionally healthy and in touch with their feelings (gross), keeping people guessing will also keep them in line. Pam was worthy of adoration, and her aloofness certainly helped keep people interested. It may not be the healthiest, but it was certainly effective.

“Just because we drank a bitch together doesn’t make us Oprah and Gale, now get the f*ck back to work.”

Outside of Eric, Pam didn’t really have “friends.” That just wasn’t what that leather clad badass needed in her life (the only thing she really needs is an endless supply of bondage gear and a willing participant). So, when people — namely Tara and Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) — start getting a little too friendly, she’s quick to knock them down a peg. Boundaries are important, so make sure you keep yours where you feel most comfortable. No need to get unnecessarily chummy. This aura of “look but do not touch” can only help you in your quest to be the coolest in the room, and being the most Pam you can will help you truly stake that claim.

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