Federal Prosecutors Are Now Investigating The National Enquirer’s Owner Over Jeff Bezos’ Blackmail Accusation

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In a story that is peak 2019, richest person in the world and Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos claimed on Thursday that the National Enquirer’s parent company, American Media Inc. (AMI), had threatened to release his private texts and photos, including a “d-ck pic,” if he continued investigating how the tabloid had obtained private messages he sent to his mistress, Lauren Sanchez. Shortly after Bezos published the alleged threatening emails from AMI’s CEO, David Pecker, others came forward to say they had also been threatened, including Ronan Farrow and Terry Crews.

The Associated Press reports federal prosecutors in New York are now investigating if those emails violated AMI’s cooperation agreement with the government which granted them immunity for alleged campaign finance violations committed in support of Donald Trump’s 2016 presidential run. The immunity deal requires AMI to commit no crimes for three years. But it appears they couldn’t go three years without living that thug life, and people are making jokes:

Other people were disappointed it was only a picture:

Some made cogent arguments against looking at the picture if it’s ever released:

And people also pointed out the absurdity of trying to threaten the richest human being on Earth:

Wistfulness was expressed about the old ways of dealing with blackmailers:

And a story about Amazon wouldn’t be complete without references to warehouse working conditions:

Nor would any unusual news story be complete without a dril tweet that presaged it:

People also speculated about the appearance of the purported nude selfie. Even SNL saw fit to throw out some colorful descriptions of the alleged nude pictures in their cold open.

People tied it back to another current event:

The jokes continued, with some Twitter users unable to comprehend this moment in history:

Speculation was made:

Meanwhile in Cincinatti, the news outlet @Enquirer — not to be confused with the National Enquirer — is begging for the direct messages to stop:

(Via The Associated Press)