Get Inspired By These Extravagant Ideas For Your Valentine’s Day, Plus Some Less Expensive Options

Valentine’s Day can be rough. It’s kind of a weird holiday because people think it’s made up and we suddenly worship hearts that don’t really look like hearts. But it’s especially weird if we consider the day’s speculative origins:

According to this NPR story from 2014, it’s possible that Valentine’s Day derives from a Roman health and fertility festival during which drunk, naked Roman men whipped women with the hides of freshly sacrificed goats and dogs. Legend has it, women would line up to be beaten because they thought this “tender” ritual made them fertile. #ROMANCE

If you’re not going to spend your hours smacking hoards of women with a goat hide, it can be tricky to decide what to do on Valentine’s Day. The internet isn’t much help, either. One “What should I plan for Valentine’s Day” search result suggests that you, “ ‘Forget’ to wear underwear to dinner. Don’t tell your partner until you get there.”

This would be a fun, flirty idea, if it was 1987. But it’s 2016 — who still wears underwear?

In any case, we’ve come up with some ideas whose degree of extravagance can range anywhere from private planes and globe-trotting, to toy helicopters and your high school’s gym:

Stage A Picnic

Break-the-Bank: Buy a Turkish towel like this one, and a basket like this one, choose one of these delicious bottles of wine, pick up some cheese, and your favorite sandwiches and off you go! If you really want to impress your loved one, drive out to your favorite picnic spot in this Rolls Royce Drophead Coupe for just $2,500/day.

Didn’t-Win-the-Powerball: Grab a (hopefully) clean sheet, pick up your favorite sandwiches and bottle of wine, throw it in your backpack, and rent a tandem bike. Mastering a tandem bike is probably more impressive than being able to afford a fancy car rental anyway! (And more romantic.)

Ride In A Hot Air Balloon

Break-the-Bank: Escape the cold and fly to Costa Rica for the hot ballooning adventure of a lifetime. For $1,200, you can charter a hot air balloon and sail over sugarcane fields, fruit plantations, and Costa Rican rivers — just you, your loved one, and Larry the balloon operator. (Hint: This might be a good time to propose.)

Didn’t-Win-the-Powerball: Go to a party store, buy heaps and heaps of balloons that say stuff like “I love you” and “Sweet Heart” on them, and have the cashier blow up the balloons. Then surprise your significant other by jamming all the balloons in their closet and persuading them to open it while simultaneously presenting them with their favorite food.

Enjoy A Spa Day

Break-the-Bank: Head to the Mandarin Oriental hotel in Bodrum, Turkey, for a relaxing weekend. Book a $1,200 Spa Suite, also known as the “ultimate private healing experience.” The suite includes four and a half hours of wellness consultations, skin analysis, yoga, vitality pool soaking, exfoliation and an Oriental Bamboo Massage.

Didn’t-Win-the-Powerball: Rummage through the holistic/wellness section at Whole Foods and find the best smelling body oil, and some exfoliating scrub. Draw your significant other a hot bath, light some candles, and make them forget they have to work tomorrow.

Stage A Scavenger Hunt

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WLV4kWkhqg

Break-the-Bank: First, figure out all the best and most hideable things your significant other might want. Think, tickets to “Hamilton” or Super Bowl 50, big diamonds, watches, tiny puppies, and keys to a brand-new car. Then safely hide them in significant places — like the 7-Eleven where you emergency-bought condoms that one time. Write clever clues and drive your significant other around in a rented horse-and-buggy as the snow falls on your rich ass.

Didn’t-Win-the-Powerball: Buy all the cheesiest Valentine’s stuff you can think of like chocolates, roses, a teddy bear, lingerie, and a silly card. Make the day special by carefully crafting clues that lead to the places where your love story grew…mostly all in your apartment.

Take A Helicopter To A Private Concert

Break-the-Bank: Take a private tour of your favorite city in a luxury helicopter, then end the trip with a private concert, like they do on every season of The Bachelor. Most cities, from San Francisco to Chicago and New York, offer the utmost in aerial tourism. Then, use this list to find an artist willing to perform on Valentine’s Day. Nothing says romance like Chingy performing ‘Right Thur’ live for just $30,000.

Didn’t-Win-the-Powerball: Buy a toy helicopter and fly it around while serenading your beloved. That’s all. Sometimes it’s tough to compete with the mega-rich.

Rent Out The Staples Center

Break-the-Bank: Back in 2011, Justin Bieber rented out the Staples Center and treated Selena Gomez to dinner at half court and a private Titanic screening. In 2015, Kim Kardashian did the same for Kanye’s birthday. Sources told E! News, it cost Kim $110,000. If you have the connections, make like the country’s curiously most popular celebrities and make the Staples Center the site of your most wildly romantic fantasies.

Didn’t-Win-the-Powerball: If you’re just a regular person, like most people, Kim and Justin’s exploits would seem like an irresponsible way to spend $110,000. So instead, sneak into the gym at your local high school, and perform like Amy Schumer in Trainwreck. You’ll have to do it solo, but maybe that will make it more endearing?

Celebrate Galentine’s Day

Break-the-Bank: Obviously, Leslie Knope knows best — so treat all your single girlfriends to a decadent brunch and singles celebration that will make your married friends regret their commitment. Eat sushi and lobster tails, drink champagne, and flaunt your uncommitted freedom as tastefully as possible. Finish the day with the ultimate swag-bag featuring a new iPhone and a pair of Yeezys.

Didn’t-Win-the-Powerball: Invite your best friends over with the suggestion that they each bring a snack. Buy a few bottles of wine, reminisce your horrible exes and remind yourselves to be grateful that you’re single.

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