Daryl Morey Visited Four Seasons Total Landscaping And Declared The Sixers Won ‘BY A LOT!’ After The Blazers Loss

One of the most surreal days of the last year — which, to be clear, is an impossibly high bar — came when Rudy Giuliani held a press conference in Philadelphia to declare that Donald Trump, who lost the 2020 Presidential Election, actually won it. The catch: It was originally billed as taking place at the Four Seasons in the City of Brotherly Love, but instead, it occurred at Four Seasons Total Landscaping, a very nice seeming business that has nothing to do with the chain of hotels and is located a little less than 10 miles away from Center City.

A lot of time has passed since then. Trump’s Twitter account and presidency are both gone, Giuliani might end up owing a lot of money to a company that makes voting machines based off of lies he’s spread about their changing votes to hand the election to Joe Biden, and the NBA season began. Those first two things had absolutely nothing to do with the last thing until Friday afternoon, when Philadelphia 76ers executive Daryl Morey made his way to the landscaping company located between a porn shop and a crematorium to declare that, actually, the Sixers won on Thursday night.

To the rest of us, Philly got walloped by the Portland Trail Blazers, 121-105, despite the fact that Portland was without Damian Lillard, CJ McCollum, and Jusuf Nurkic. The Sixers were without Ben Simmons, although they still were expected to win the game. The good news is that Four Seasons Total Landscaping has been used as the backdrop to make ludicrous claims that we must, as Orwell once wrote, reject the evidence of our eyes and ears, and in further good news, Morey had some time to kill on Friday.