USA Today just released the first picture from 5 5ast 5 5urious, aka Fast Five, starring Vin Diesel and The Rock. If I had to pick just one favorite thing about it, it would probably be that it totally doesn’t look gay at all. Nope, just two greased-up, hairless straight dudes, hangin’ out in tight shirts and lookin’ ripped, as we do. I wonder what they’re saying.
“What’s that on your face?”
“It’s a goatee. You should try it some time.”
“Fine. Maybe I will.”
“You think that’s hot, I got a beard back at the house.”
“You gonna spot me, bro?”
“Oh I’ll spot you.”
“I will. But not before you put on some baby oil. Your skin looks dry. And what is that, arm pit hair? Pathetic. You could be looking so much more ripped right now, bro. If only you weren’t such a looothe cannon.”
“Was that a lisp?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
They should’ve gotten John Travolta for this.