Angelina Jolie is the female James Bourne

04.01.10 9 years ago 18 Comments

Sony just released a new trailer for the Angelina Jolie spy thriller, Salt, this time with MORE ACTION (*guitar squeal*). It comes from director Philip Noyce (The Saint, Clear and Present Danger) and a script once intended for Tom Cruise, which they thought was too unbelievable so they cast a girl. Anyway, here all this time I thought she was just supposed to be a Russian spy, she’s actually Batman or xXx or some sh*t.  She likes to headbutt people unconscious and knock guys off moving motorcycles and dive onto passing trucks from overpasses.  Which she can do because she’s so good at espionage, you see.  Though my favorite part was the classic “female spy movie” move where she goes on the lam and dyes her hair dark. (*cough* Long Kiss Goodnight! *cough, cough*) That always works.

NAMELESS AGENT: “I think we’ve got her!  *takes closer look, sees different hair color* My bad.  *speaking into wrist* Stand down, stand down, false alarm.  Looks like it’s just some other pillow-lipped, big-titted super spy.  Sorry for the confusion, ma’am. Our mistake.”

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