Senior Editor
12.10.08 27 Comments

Homophobic Turtle awards Lange the Purple Heart, for injuries to career sustained in the line of hating queers.  Uh, make that the Red Heart.

I missed this on Howard Stern yesterday, but lovable train wreck Artie Lange was discussing how he’d auditioned for the part of a wrestling promoter in Darren Aronofsky’s The Wrestler:

“I had what I thought was a great audition… So I went back another time, killed again. I then did a screen test. Killed again. So my Agent says to me ‘Aronofsky really likes you, and its between you and another guy.’” … “So it goes right til the end, and my manager calls me back and tells me ‘the other guy got it’. I was like ‘Aw F-ck!’ It was really like god was f-cking with me.”

Then a friend offered a possible explanation:

“My friend says, ‘Don’t you remember Darren Aronofsky?’ I was like ‘What are you talking about?’  Apparently when I was at Mad TV back in 1996 we went out to a Hollywood party, and as my friend tells the story ‘You got completely fucked up… this is one of those times when we had to pull you out of the party.’ This kid went to film school with Darren Aronofsky. He said, ‘In this party, you claimed this guy Aronofsky,’ – and this is before Requiem for a Dream – ‘you claimed that he was looking at you wrong and you kept hitting him in the head and you punched him in the face.’ I said ‘What?’ He goes ‘Yeah, you were really abusing this guy, calling him a film school fag.’ [/Film]

It’s unclear whether the incident had anything to do with Artie not getting cast, or if it ever happened in the first place or if Artie’s friend was just trying to mess with him – Artie says he thinks it never happened.  The part got cut from the final movie anyway.  But see, this is why you can’t hang out with sober assholes.  You go out and you get drunk and the next day you’ll be eating a greasy breakfast, feeling fine.  Then they’ll show up and be all like, “Hey! Remember when you punched that cop?  Remember when you went down on that tranny?  Remember when you puked on that baby?”   Of course I don’t, asshole, that’s why I was drinking.

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