Senior Editor
07.02.09 35 Comments

The other day in a radio interview, the host was asking me about Hollywood’s hard-on for remakes and movies about toys. “What’s next?” the host asked me, “A movie about Pong!?”  That’s right, the most preposterously retarded idea he could think of is almost identical to an idea Universal considers good enough to spend millions of dollars on.

Universal has won a four-studio bidding war to pick up the film rights to the classic Atari video game “Asteroids.” Matthew Lopez will write the script for the feature adaptation, which will be produced by Lorenzo di Bonaventura.  [Lopez recently worked Bedtime Stories and wrote the latest draft of The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, while Di Bonaventura bears responsibility for G.I. Joe.]
In “Asteroids,” initially released as an arcade game in 1979, a player controlled a triangular space ship in an asteroid field. The object was to shoot and destroy the hulking masses of rock and the occasional flying saucer while avoiding smashing into both. [THR]

A F*CKING BIDDING WAR.  For a movie based on three dots that shoot one dot at other small clusters of dots.  If you can think of anything stupider than this… someone in Hollywood will pay you a lot of money.  GREAT NEWS, EVERYONE, TOM CRUISE JUST SIGNED ON TO PLAY BLINKING LIGHT NUMBER FOUR!  SOMEONE FINGER MY ASSHOLE SO I KNOW I’M NOT DREAMING!

Related Asylum Poll: Which Atari game SHOULD be a movie?

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